Fear of Games with Others

I think many people have experienced similar reluctance to play a "real person". I was on this sight for about a year before doing so. I think the easiest way, is to look for a tournament and jump right in. That's how I did it. Don't worry if you're not good enough or too good. Just join, play and see where it leads to. Good luck.

If you want to ease into it, try some daily games. The pace is slower so you may feel less anxious. My experience with the 1-Day control is that players might make several moves an hour but for whatever reason cant commit time to Rapid, so games still progress reasonably quickly. On the 3-Day control, players are more likely to take 1 or 2 days per move so the pace is much slower. You can play multiple games at the same time.

I feel the same way. I just discovered chess.com this week and though I've been playing chess for almost my entire life it's always been intermittent and with one or two people at most. So, after I panic failed a handful of games I decided to focus on chess puzzles for a bit. It's been helping a lot and I think after a solid month of this I'm going to start focusing on chess games. 

I think the important thing is to understand you won't win every game. I don't think I have ever had someone make disparaging remarks after I lost. It is important to look at every loss though to see why. 

And you can resign if need be. Before I figured that part out, I would just wait until the bitter end. (Though I did get a draw from doing that, because after chasing my king around, my opponent accidentally caused a stalemate!)

you have FOGWO?

If you stop to think about it the fact that you're afraid of losing a game with zero stakes is silly. If anything this is the perfect time for you to play the game and lose as many times as it takes for you to get better. You will only get better at the game by playing people who are better than you are. Muscles only get stronger by being used and pushed to their limits.

If you play a lot of chess now when you have no reason to care you'll be ready whenever you somehow get whisked into a magical world and get forced into playing life-or-death chess.

 

Oh, I see. Yep. I respect a view I read yesterday that chess is about the physical board and pieces, and the human interaction. That playing online isn't real. But to me the computer acts as a firewall of sorts, which is good. If there were a way to get a rating by just playing the AI, I'd do that. The main reason to open a live game is to get more experience under your belt and to hopefully upgrade the rating.

Are you kidding?-

 You seem to be a carbon copy of me,but I was a serious tennis player. Loved the competition,but found that the more I played and lost,the better i got. One day i woke up and found i was really,"really" good!

It's going to be the same thing with chess,if you have a good approach to this "fantastic" game.

Good luck

 

Definitely. It's a matter of perseverance.

I had the same fear. I've played dozens and dozens of games against the computer and after just completing my 2nd live game I realized - it's really no different than playing the computer. I think I'll use this mindset going forward. I play using the mobile app so it's not like the chat constantly open and I don't ever have to look at it. start game, play game, finished game. Done.

Brad253 it helps a lot to see your post and know that I’m not the only one. I have had almost the same experience. My cousin, who was a teen at the time, taught me at age 7-ish...movement of pieces only. I played my dad on occasion, but now I’m trying to actually learn. I def fell prey to the Dunning-Kruger effect, and thought I was way better. So now that reality is humbled me, I am embarrassed by my play. I know that it’s my issue. I guess I’m worried about a-holes...I’ve seen YouTube videos titled, “Stomping Srubs”, so yes, a-holes exist. But screw them. I have a really good life, and some things I’m really good at. I suck at chess, but I’m gonna have fun playing and learning.

Good attitude Falconer999

I'm 29 yo. 3 years ago I begin playing chess on this site just to do something in the travel to my work, about two or three hours a day. When I was a kid there was no one to teach me more than piece movements or some basic tactics, and even then no one to practice with.

Now I find I can play whenever I want with people all around the globe. Just that fact make it quite exciting.

When I joined this site I was around your level, but started watching youtube videos and learning the basic principles, some openings, basic tactics. My level begin to grow. Now I'm beggining to take it seriously, begining to study from books and get some serious improvement because this game is just so fun. Now my best rating is above 1500 on rapid.

 

So you can get better day by day. There will be winning streaks that will make you feel like Garry or Magnus, and losing streaks that will make you feel the dumbest human being. But that's part of the game.

 

Enjoy it, it's just a game, nobody is better or smarter than other just because he/she won a chess game.

You were a college soccer player. Imagine playing a pick-up game and being joined by a good American-rules football player who had never played soccer. He wouldn't have any dribbling or passing skills and wouldn't know what was going on. Make him a defensive back and have him just get in the other team's way and knock the ball away whenever possible. Being a good athlete he should be of some use. If he enjoyed the game and came out a few more times he would pick up some skills and knowledge and might become a decent player.

The same thing holds true for you and chess. Realize that you'll "get your clock cleaned" at first by more experienced players but you will learn a lot and get a rating so you can get matched with players about your own strength and get a few wins.

If you enjoy it and study and practice a bit you WILL improve. Then try to play against players considerably stronger than you. The better the opponent, the more the fine points of strategy and planning will become clear to you.

The important thing to realize is that as a novice or when playing much stronger opponents you will usually lose. Poor play and outright mistakes are the reason most chess games are lost, so don't think you stand out as an idiot to the other players just because lose. We've all done it.

Good for you! By the way, I found that as you improve, the less obnoxious chat you come across. But if you do, just disable chat and move on. You can also block and report the serious offenders. I’ve actually found far, far more really good humans than not. Btw- bass clef- tuba player?

Just play!

The more you play the more comfortable you will get.

We are all going to make mistakes. Hopefully we learn and we move on.

One thing is for sure, you will not get better if you don't play

Play play play and remember,  it's a game, a hobby, it is supposed to be enjoyed

The way I see it, it’s just like with anything else in life. You’re afraid because you lack confidence. Think about job interviews, going to a party, asking out a girl you like, etc...all of these can be fears for some people if they lack the confidence to do it.

The solution? Don’t be afraid of failure. Listen...IT’S OK TO FAIL. What do you think about people who fail a job interview? Do you laugh at them? Think “WOW, WHAT A LOSER!” No lol, you probably think nothing about it, it happens all the time. What do you think about people who get rejected? Probably nothing, it happens all the time. Now what do you think about someone who loses a chess match? Nothing right? Because it happens all the time. It’s not even slightly a big deal.

Of course, failing a job interview is a more serious thing than losing a chess match, but you get the idea. People build things up in their head to be this monstrous scary thing, when in reality it’s not that at all. People fail interviews, it happens. Work on what you need to improve, move on and learn from your mistakes. Same thing with chess. Every failure is a learning experience. You NEED to fail in order to improve. What you should really be afraid of is never giving yourself the opportunity to get better because you’re too scared to try.

I get it man, there are times when, especially after a losing streak, I get discouraged and it feels “safer” to play against the bots than play a real opponent, but you can’t let it paralyze you. You gotta get back in their soldier!

I recommend playing some arena tournaments on here, where you literally play back to back games for like an hour straight or however long it is. That should help you get over your fear.

I used the wrong “there” just now and trust me that feels worse than losing a chess match haha

I recall screaming out loud in my motivational talks many years ago : solution of fear is "face it". But, that's easy said than done. What you truly need are hacks that help you overcome this. I was never somebody who could have started a channel for chess that would dream to become a platform to help coach mindsets for "want to grow" chess players. I have been a life coach for 15 years and now an intermediate chess player with 1600+ blitz rating [avg 1500]. I know exactly what runs in the mind and how to overcome those. I can relate to what you're sharing about the fear to face anyone and end up looking stupid.

First of all:

1. it's a game and treat it like one. The fear is a result of association of your IQ and identity with chess. It's a sport and fun game and nothing more [until you get a complete hang of the game]

2. You're at a stage where the middle game, strategy and more are eluding you. Precisely where chess.com diamond membership would help you get a hang of all lessons and tactics you might want to learn

3. Remember much of how we play chess reflects how we take life, and other way round. Improve one and the other improves. 

I can certainly discuss it in more detail with you. Would be a pleasure to connect on instagram handle of "chesswani". 

Hope this helps meanwhile.