I have never won a chess game in my life. I have been "playing" since I was 8, I'm now 32.

Add me as a friend.  I usually play chess every morning when I get my first cup of coffee for the day, then sometimes in the afternoon and evening.  If you practice with someone, you will get better.  It doesn't matter what the person's rating is.  Sometimes, it's good to practice with low rates like me because you will see pretty straight up chess and that's how to learn some simple moves, traps, and see mistakes made by your opponent.  Add me as a friend or accept my request.  I promise I don't bite and let's see how we can make you a winning chess player!

One thing, before I write this WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU SWEAR??? Anyways, I did censor and change half of it but maybe chess is not the thing for you.

well you could just keep playing. if that doesn't work, time to start studying the game!

I looked at one of your games where you played a 60 min time control.  You were playing way to fast in my opinion.  Play longer time controls like 45 or 60 min and take your time to think about your moves.  Also try daily chess where you won't feel the pressure to make moves to fast without thinking them through.

The OP hasn't logged in for 5 days. He may have already given up for good...

I recommend working through chess.com's lessons for beginners and following their recommended Study Plan.  Their resources are very good for taking you from the basic rules to common tactics to fundamental concepts of all stages of the game.

Jeepers! Not the swears! Thanks for your service, what would we do without a warrior like you?

If you want to WIN at chess and CHECKMATE your opponent, here is the 4-part plan to get you there:

1. Learn the most basic checkmate patterns:

• Ladder checkmate: Ladder Mate | WikiChess | Fandom
• Back Rank checkmate: Back Rank Mate - Chess Terms - Chess.com
• Queen and King checkmate: How to Checkmate with a King and Queen? - Chess.com
• Queen and rook checkmate: Checkmate With King & Rook - Chess Terms - Chess.com

2. Learn basic opening principles: The Principles of the Opening | Chess for Beginners - Chess.com

3. Learn some basic tactics patterns: ALL Chess Tactics Explained |Chess Strategy, Moves, Ideas & Basics for Beginners| How to Play Chess - YouTube

4. Keep playing! You must practice the ideas you learn above in order to improve: Play Chess Online for Free with Friends & Family - Chess.com

Watch videos from various titled players such as Ben Finegold. I watched him to improve when I was a beginner, but nowadays there are a lot of GMs and IMs on youtube providing free lessons.

I am still confused on how chess.com let the original message go through, and I did change and edit it.

This is a fake account, it's so evident and people shouldn't lose their time answering to such posts

The guy just joined 21 September, played a few games and posted that joke thread.

JUST MY OPINION !!!

While this does work frequently at lower levels, this attack can be countered, giving black a development advantage. Here's how:

This also opens up fianchetto opportunities for black. Of course, if you are going for this with black, this can be countered much easier, like this:

All the comments saying you might be potentially a troll aside...

You play incorrectly.  And you hang your queen a lot because you move out early when it is unnecessary.  The first thing you must do is start playing correctly, playing good opening moves, developing your pieces normally, casting early, and connecting your rooks.  Until you learn how to do that, and also, stop hanging pieces and your queen, you will not climb out of the 200-600 range.  

In order to do that you need instruction.  Chess.com diamond membership.  Plain and simple.  Most people don't listen to this easy advice, to each their own, at their own expense... or not.

Videos from youtube can help obviously but they are not in any kind of order.  The chess.com video lessons are in order to watch.  youtube videos obviously should supplement your chess.com lessons, however, only add videos as you feel the need to add new knowledge or different videos on the same subjects to help clarify the material on chess.com.

In short, don't reinvent the wheel with your own opening moves and principles.  Learn good moves, and do them, not the other way around.  Do it by getting a diamond membership, and supplement it with youtube videos to either clarify what you already know or learn about new topics or maybe just get a different lesson on the same topic.

Once you got good opening principles down start going through John Barthelemew's chess fundamentals series.  Start with the first video, and try and implement the concept in your games till you drastically improve on not hanging pieces.  Once you do it, it's time to move on to the next video, and so forth.

You may need extra help in learning not to hang pieces.  You may need to drill a lot of tactics from your own games.  Tactics you missed in game.  In addition to that, you need a daily tactics routine, and other tactics to do on the side.  Chess.com has tactics sets to do actually so some other tactics you don't even have to leave the site.  Just know, nobody was lying when they said the key to chess improvement is tactics tactics tactics.  Just don't only do the tactics here on chess.com, and you will be good.  Yes, you need to do A LOT of tactics.  Depending on the time you have, and your goals, you will either need to do more or less.

Maybe his **** was ****ed in the **** and ******* and ****** ***** *** ****** ****** and one of those old fashioned ****s you have to ******* with your ******.

But you did win a game.

... wait what. He won 1 game XD.

ya did win... sorry if it sounded like an insult.

yeah that makes sense

Hmm