First...the only way to overcome a fear to to just jump in and do it. I know...easier said than done.
Secondly...DO NOT let players that have short attention spans get to you. Slow chess is the way to go if you're trying to improve. All speed chess does is instill bad habits. So think of it this way. The players now that will harass you for playing slow, will be less advanced than you will be 6 months from now.
I would be glad to play you an unrated game of daily chess if you're interested.
It can be intimidating to look at the more GM-centric parts of the site, but if you focus on specific things, like the lessons, the puzzles, the tactics and vision training, and playing longer games, it should be fine. In the options to play a game, 10 min. is only the one selected. Also, I get the impression that there are a lot of players who would prefer to take things easier, and who also find playing a live human nerve-wracking. I think you'd be surprised. There's hundreds of thousands of games going on at any given time, and so one can assume almost everyone is *not* coming to the forums, and certainly not featuring in the championships.
I hope that answers some of your thoughts. If you play a longer game, you're being paired with others who also chose that length of time.
"That said, the community itself "feels" more established and less inviting than I had hoped..."
The forums are toxic. If i were you i would just stay away form them for now, until you're more comfortable with the site. If you do need to post something expect a lot of garbage, but understand that its not you, its them. Their are a lot of immature people here.
If I were interested in playing chess seriously and improving, I would not do it in this place. But if I were committed to learning and improving by playing here, I would play unrated games if possible and/or else within a certain club here, against other players you trust.
When I watch the streaming "instructional" content, I learn nothing because the games are going faster than I can follow.
If it’s not live streaming you can pause the video until your mind catches up. I do that a lot. There’s also plenty of great content for beginners all over the internet. Here’s just one example:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SS1-2kCsIiI
I'm scared to death to play a real human on chess.com. I don't want to bullied or chirped at for slow play.
Since this is the internet, so you will encounter jerks. In my experience, I come across someone who’s rude in chat about once every several hundred games. If they are abusive you can report them to the admins, who are very good at taking care of this kind of behavior. However, the vast amount of people are here to play chess, not to talk smack.
Also, you always have the option of disabling chat in games.
1) Are their others that play slower/longer games?
Yes. Although fast games are the most popular here, there are people who play at 30 minutes per side or slower. Also check out Daily Chess where you can have several days to make a move.
And of course, playing slow is a much better way to improve than playing fast.
2) Are people generally patient if they chose to join a slower game?
I rarely play slower games here, so I can’t speak to that. I assume most people are … otherwise they wouldn’t be playing long games.
3) Will people get frustrated if I don't know when to resign? I'm not stubborn, I am just not as likely to recognize a lost position as more experienced players are.
Some folks complain about people not resigning, some folks complain if people resign too early. Most people don’t care one way or the other.
That said, the community itself "feels" more established and less inviting than I had hoped.
There are a number of sub-communities here. As far as games themselves go, most folks are here to play chess, not to socialize. The three forums I’m most familiar with are General Chess Discussion (tends to attract trolls, but also has good stuff), Chess Openings (folks mostly stick to analysis), and For Beginners (people tend to be welcoming and supportive).
Hi Dave!
Most beginners benefit from slower games. The sad truth is there will be upset people at you for things like not resigning or taking forever. I HIGHLY recommend disabling live chat and even turning focus mode on if you feel like it is intimidating and will affect your moves. Know that as a beginner it is hard to identify drawn or lost positions but it doesn't matter as most of the time your opponent will blunder and the games will swing wildly. Play on! I personally recommend playing people and not bots as a beginner. AI plays like ai. They are programed to make a mistake that humans would probably not make. Low level bots sometimes play things that look nothing like recorded openings. I think you should watch some instructive beginner videos and start playing rapid games with focus mode and disabled chat. After a few games you will realize it's not so scary because losing is learning. Good luck and don't give up! 
I feel you. When I first started playing 10 minute games 6 months ago my heart would literally race. I don't know why - it's just a game against basically anonymous people. But I would feel so vested, I didn't want to get beat, or feel foolish for not knowing the right move, or falling into a trap. I think a lot of it has to do with ego. It can be a humbling experience. And I got razzed a few times by some mean spirited players when I was having a bad game. But I persisted and learned a lot from my mistakes and not to take it so seriously. After numerous games I feel more comfortable, have learned to take losing in stride, but I still get sweaty.
I think working the puzzles daily helped me out a lot. You learn how to read the board better, and you pick up on tricks and techniques. It's a complicated game and requires a lot of experience before you begin to see patterns and excel. You just have to go for it and try not to care so much. Hang in there.
Hi,
I've just entered the bullet arena for the first time as a new but experienced player. On two games my opponents made a couple of moves and then nothing happened for 15 mins on the first game. I assumed he had decided not to play on so pushed new game and after about 5 mins the game seemed to stop. I am down as losing these games, clearly there is something I do not understand. Would someone please enlighten me or I will go back to chess pro where at least my opponent continues to move.
Chris
Dave_EG i know how you feel im horrible at chess i would suggest playing longer games i was told to play 10 minute rapid games and im getting worse i went from a high of 525 down to about 450 right now if you would like to play some time send a friend request ill play you hopefully we can get better at this ive btoke 2 phones in 2 days because im just that bad im going to start playing longer games to get better short games i seem to blunder consistently
If you cannot get through both of these checklists on each move without losing on time. Then you're playing a time controls that is to fast.
Opening Principles:
The objective of development is about improving the value of your pieces by increasing the importance of their roles (Piece Activity). Well-developed pieces have more fire-power than undeveloped pieces and they do more in helping you gain control.
Now we will look at 5 practical things you can do to help you achieve your development objective.
They are:
Don’t help your opponent develop.
There are 2 common mistakes whereby you will simply be helping your opponent to develop:
Pre Move Checklist:
If I were interested in playing chess seriously and improving, I would not do it in this place. But if I were committed to learning and improving by playing here, I would play unrated games if possible and/or else within a certain club here, against other players you trust.
you should be honored that the revered troll @wornaki has commented on your forum.
Hi Dave. I didn't read all the responses so this may have been said already. Set urself up to play 1or 2 daily games. More if u want. U can set them to make a move each day or every 3 days, or whatever. U can move faster if u want. BUT PLAY SLOW GAMES. U have time to think, that's the main thing. Don't watch speed chess games to try to learn, I don't care how good the players r. Watch beginner videos on here or YouTube. Take ur time and don't play speed chess for a while. Have fun.
Hi Dave. I didn't read all the responses so this may have been said already. Set urself up to play 1or 2 daily games. More if u want. U can set them to make a move each day or every 3 days, or whatever. U can move faster if u want. BUT PLAY SLOW GAMES. U have time to think, that's the main thing. Don't watch speed chess games to try to learn, I don't care how good the players r. Watch beginner videos on here or YouTube. Take ur time and don't play speed chess for a while. Have fun.
Excellent advice that i would like to go a bit further on.
Play 3 day per move daily chess.
Day 1: Find your candidate moves, ad play them out as far as you can.
Day 2: Go over your candidate moves, and adjust accordingly.
Day 3: Take one last look, and decide on the best move you can find.
Use a real board and pieces. The brain absorbs more in 3D.
Use pen and paper taking notes on each move. What were your thoughts, ideas, plans, what was your opponent trying to do?
Hi Dave. I mainly play 3-Day daily. It is a good way to improve. Also G30 and 45|45 are also good times for improvement. All are popular. I think the fast times get all the hype because they are well suited to streaming and videos but slower times are still very popular. There are plenty of patient and courteous players. As others have suggested, I dont think the adversorial tone and views often found in the forum represent the community at large. As for studying, my preference is books rather than the internet. I know it's only a mouse click away but you dont have to use it if it doesn't appeal.
Chess is not kind, gentle or forgiving. Its brutal and mean! If you are going to play on Chess.com you had better grow a pair princess. Just saying.
Yeah start by playing Daily (correspondence) Chess. That way you can take as much time as you want per move and you won't feel waited on. I think you will feel a lot less stress with these kind of games. You will also develop and practice good thinking habits and learn much more in the long run than you would by playing fast chess.
I played chess with my grandfather in my teen years. Like many, I have wandered back to the game due to spending a lot more time at home over the last six months. When I look around at chess.com, I find EVERYTHING intimidating. When I watch the streaming "instructional" content, I learn nothing because the games are going faster than I can follow. They make and explain 4 moves before I absorb the first point that was made.
It appears to me that the game is just seen as more of a "fast" thing now than it was for me as a kid. I will never enjoy playing chess fast. It isn't how I comprehend the game. Additionally, my personality lends itself to generally conservative, considered play.
Instructional videos also assume a level of knowledge about the game I don't have. I neither know, nor care to know, what "London" is at this point. However, I'd very much like to understand the principles involved. My understanding of openings is still at the "try to control center squares, develop your pieces, and prepare to castle" level.
Above is the background, now for the questions:
I'm scared to death to play a real human on chess.com. I don't want to bullied or chirped at for slow play.
1) Are their others that play slower/longer games?
2) Are people generally patient if they chose to join a slower game?
3) Will people get frustrated if I don't know when to resign? I'm not stubborn, I am just not as likely to recognize a lost position as more experienced players are.
I'll close with a general thought. I find the lessons to be very good tools. I like the unrated bot play as a way to practice. I think there is content for everyone here. That said, the community itself "feels" more established and less inviting than I had hoped. It is like there is a set of common knowledge that just isn't common when someone first signs up here. It may be that I'm watching some of the streaming content and reading forums and making unfair/inaccurate assumptions based on those things.
Final questions:
1) Did any of you feel intimidated when you first signed up on Chess.com? Did you find your early games against other members to be better experiences than you may have thought going in?