This is a joke topic. Nobody can be that stupid.
Why is this not a checkmate? I thought I had the king surrounded

This is a joke topic. Nobody can be that stupid.
Not everything is about being stupid or smart; everyone begins somewhere. Additionally, chess is more practice and pattern recognition than intelligence.

This is a joke topic. Nobody can be that stupid.
Pretty stupid to hang a royal fork in a 3 day per move game. Don't be a pr*ck to beginners who don't know stuff yet.

thank you everyone for your help! I'm learning, slowly but surely
I hope I'll be less of a noob by the end of the year haha
By the way, I know you didn't ask for this, it might still be useful to you regardless...
Check this out:
https://www.chess.com/blog/nklristic/the-beginners-tale-first-steps-to-chess-improvement
It is like a guide of sorts. If you feel overwhelmed, it might keep you on track and help you to keep improving.
hi


Isn't pawn advancing a legal move? It would be taken out in white's turn with a rook but still going forward with the pawn is legal
Not in this case, because you've missed the side of the board that pawn is supposed to go. AKA the pawn is blocked from going forward and what you think is forward would be going back here, which is of course not allowed.
I'll check out the links @KeSetoKaiba and @nklristic have provided. Appreciate it! I really need to learn how to checkmate properly. I've since checkmate in a couple of games, but they were both planned and took me by surprise that it worked. I'll keep improving my game!!

Is pat a French word? We use it in Nederland. The word may have French as origin.

After 32. … Kg8 what I notice is that Black’s king is very boxed in by both of White’s rooks. What will limit the king’s ability to move even more? Your move 33. Re7 does this … but there’s a better way. The first thing that occurs to me is promoting that pawn to a queen.
- c8=Q+ Kg7 or Kg8
The only moves.
- Qd7+
Now if the King moves back to the 8th rank, 35. Re8 is mate.
If. 34 … Kg6, then 35. Rf6 is mate
If 34. … Kh6, then 35. Re6 is mate
Though the starting phase was topsy-turvy from both sides in favour of White (as it turned out), the OP navigated the final moves really well, being able to come up with a plan to surround the opponent's king. It is not that often that we can find new players land a checkmate on their opponents' king.
A possible idea to launch the checkmate is to first give the Black king some squares to run first.

I'm so new to this game. Why is it so hilarious?
Maybe it is just them, I didn't find it "hilarious." In fact, I think White played the opening better. At least for the first few moves, White did better following opening principles (although still pushing a lot of pawns) because Black kept losing tempi by moving the same Knight over and over.
I think by "hilarious" they mean uncommon, or not something conventional principles in mind; like @Aiolika says though - they are just learning. In fact, I'll add to this:
"Even the chess grandmaster was once a beginner too." - Irving Chernev
I think the correct approach is to have fun and keep learning. That goes for pretty much EVERYONE, not just "beginners." Even chess experts are constantly learning.
This resource is a good way to get started with the "Opening Principles" that are more practical.
https://www.chess.com/blog/KeSetoKaiba/opening-principles-again