10 signals that may indicate that you may be a Patzer....

!.You never get accused of cheating

2.park Hustlers  allow you to play them for free

3.voted by yourfellow clubmembers as  "most likely to resign"before move ten

4.Lose agame to your neighbors 6 year old child via  a "fools mate"

5  then he  rufuses you a rematch claiming  you tired him out

6.Trying to solve  a puzzle  and  every move  looks  good...and bad

7.When your opponent  dons  a Haz-Mat suit  B4 playing  you

8.when  you ask your  coach  to suggest  a good opening  for you  and  he points  to the front door

9.When  the  administrator at your  tournament  hands  you a plunger  and tells  you  to unclog the toilet

10.Lose  even when you are cheating

        Aglitatta

Lol Are you speaking from experience?

10 things that may be signals that may indicate that you may be a patzer.

this list needs to be expanded

I have a few others. Please feel free to add any of your own.

 Hehe, good list  

I actually lost to a scholar's mate in my first (and worst) tournament.  So that probably means I don't need my own list to prove I'm a patzer

This list is absolutely hysterical! Thanks aglitatta.

           Which elite chess player from antiquity, made this statement......"Patzers are the soul of chess"?

 Haha I like nr 9   

#6 is painfully true.

 In mid-game you're about to move a pawn from f5 to c5, then remember that pawns can't move 3 squares, so you move it to d5.

It was Phildor wasn't it? He said it in French apparently, I know because I translated it as " I love to play chess with less pawns"  

I translated it that way because my French is worse than my chess.

Where do I claim my prize and what is it?

If it is a French Dictionary can I exchange it for cash?

       Well done, Dubious,ur absolutely right!  I agree with you about  the pawns,they only get in the way of the pieces. Your prize is my utmost admiration for your knowledge of this game!

Whoooohooooo!!! I'll take it! (In all honesty I only knew the answer because my friend president-max, who is a rabbit,  spoke about it in another thread...does this lessen the admiration or cancel it completely?) 

Whooooooooooo!!! Every grandmaster was once a patzer, including Maurice Ashley.

      Im not so sure I agree with you on that sea-of trees. Was Morphy, Capa, or Reshevsky ever a Patzer? I dont think so.

           As for you Dubious, you'll never lessen or diminish my appreciation of  your good taste , and dedication to the Patzer way of life!

         This  is  going  to be  a big  challenge. As  many of  you may know, today is  the Birthday of  the U.S.A.    All Nations  have  their own flag. Political parties  have  their own flags, corporations  have  their  flags. What we  need as Patzers is  some form of  identification, thats  defines who we  are  and  what  we believe in. So....can anyone design a flag that symbolizes and Identifies all Patzers? A banner  that we  can be  proud of, and one  we  can rally around?   Remember, inside  each  and every Patzer, is  a Master  trying  to break-out!

If the LGBTQmovement can parade a flag they call their own, I don't see how a chess patzer banner is out of the question.

I have created this beautiful, yet stunning flag.

It clearly shows several important chess features, for instance it shows a loving elephant which is what the Bishop was called before the church got hold of chess.

Then it shows a chess player beheading a bishop which is pretty much what should happen to a chess bishop.

The flag also shows a majestic duck in full flight because it is majestic and i designed the thing in the first place.

As added humour there are chess pieces but they are set up in the wrong order drawing attention to the "patzerness" of the flag.

I think we will all agree this flag truly embodies all thing patzer if not all things chess.