1000 things a dumb chess player would do

He moved “f“ pawn and get fools mate

Becomes so obsessed with online chess that he forgets to take a bathroom break and sh*ts in his pants during the course of a game

When you (Fork urself) 😁 ok that is a terrible joke..its all i got...

plays two games at once and is winning both on the board but loses both on time.

complains about lag with 30 windows open from five different browsers plus internet messaging enabled and turned on and active while sharing a wifi internet connection with fifty other people.

What does that have to do with it? There's no way that's what's causing me to lag out!

(also, it's 37 windows, and 43 other people. But my two cats, three dogs, and gerbil all have their own accounts under the family plan)

By the way - for people using laptops or keyboards -
put some wood or something under the back of the laptop so that its angled up at the back and your hands are angled back a bit.
That's a much stronger and healthier position for the hands and fingers for typing.
Also allows more ventilation under the laptop to keep it cool. 
Constant overheating eventually produces laptop death.
////////////////////////
And - instead of a heavy expensive mouse - instead use a cheap plastic very light mouse purchased at a very large department store chain ... like the one that begins with W for example ...
Why? Lighter mouse faster and healthier to use - 
unless you like that carpal tunnel business ... and losing on time - and pain in the thumb.

When my laptop heats up, I usually put one to two books underneath it

I recently bought a new laptop.
First thing I did was remove the battery. It was quite bit of work to get the back off the laptop without harming it. Finicky. Can be done with little nail files and the like.
Starts from under the screen at the back.
Since I use it as a desktop - I don't need the battery.
That means no overheating - no overworking the fan - no silly constant overcharging to 100% on the battery.
Plus I use an HDMI cable from the laptop to a nice big but light 32 inch monitor behind it.
That means I can use Windows key + 'p' to disable the laptop screen.
And I have. Only had to hit it once.
Again - cooler. Better. This laptop could go ten years or more.
Got an extra backlit keyboard for it too. Cheap. Nice. In front.
Again - saves wear on the Ltop. Stuff like keyboards and cheap monitors are expendable. The Ltop - not so much.

Won't that cause the books to catch fire?

Paper and wood have about the same ignition point I believe.
451 degrees Fahrenheit.
So whether books or wooden table top -
but the point is that the books are at the back - angling the laptop up at the back.
More ventilation.
Is More Better.

Yes. I like broken English.

eat back with a pawn (vertical and diagonal) (my friend did that several times)

Which means he is not dumb, he found the checkmate, after all...

'dumb' was in quotes.
Plus what it 'means' is up to whoever reading - and whoever reading could decide it 'means' that it rained last week in Australia.

New item:
During his chess game - a very important phone call comes in from a possible employer regarding a very valuable new job opportunity ...
and the 'dumb' player answers with 
"Not now! I'm in the middle of playing chess! Call back later!" (click).