676.after considerable experience, you've learnt to always resign before the first move because its more tiring playing and you lose anyway
5,000 Signs You Don't Know Enough About Chess
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677. When you ask your opponent how to play chess
678. If You do not know, why a- & h-pawns are weaker than other pawns.
679. When your opponent checkmates you and you think it is stalemate
680. When your opponent says "checkmate" when it is not even check, and you shake hands on the result
681. You annotate: 2. Hf3 (horsey to f3)
682. You annotate: 2. Ch3 (castle to h3)
683. You think a battery is an RC chess piece that can move to anywhere on the board
684. You hope your opponent will run out of time when it's your move
685. You call this the Queen's Gambit:
686. You call this the King's Gambit:
687. When you think a chess clock is used for seeing world times
688. If You cannot lotto the back row in Random Chess.
689. If you think that when a pawn moves up 3 spaces on its first move, it turns into a gorilla. (actual real-life quote from a beginner)
690. When you constantly hang your pieces and think you've just made a sound sacrifice.
691. When you think that a sound sacrifice is listening to the spice girls while you are playing chess.
692. You always play the same opening and keep swaping the correct move order, going into the same damned weak position, despite repeatedly consulting the correct order in books.
693. When you always see how to mate your opponent 6 moves before, and establish brilliant and deadly mating nets, but you always get mated after you've made the first move.
694. When you think that a mating net is some kind of online marriage bureau.
695. When you keep moving your pieces one square further or closer than the square you meant to.
696. When you think a Knight fork is a piece of cutlery with the handle made in the shape of a Knight.
697. You think the night's tour is when you go on a tour of a knight's castle.
698. Your opponent arrives and finds the board as above, and you proudly declare: "I've set up the board for us already. Look! I remembered "queen on her square and "white on the right"!
699. You think you can win this game:
700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:
Lathspell wrote:
691. When you think that a sound sacrifice is listening to the spice girls while you are playing chess.
Talk about a sacrifice!
chessgm8 wrote:
700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:
White has a mate in 3. Is that supposed to be the joke?
675. You always try to mirror every one of whites moves when you're black until you lose