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A man upon hearing a dare,
Opened his game with The Ware,
He paid a big cost,
For his a3 rook was lost,
To a bishop that was eyeing that square.
To bring your rook fast to the fray,
Is considered extremely bad play.
But if your rook wants to be,
Fast lost at h3,
The opening you want is Desprez.
Two Nazis played chess on a bench,
At the bottom of a battlefield trench.
The bullets kept zinging,
And their ears kept on ringing,
As they worked out the moves of the French.
The Zukertort starts with a horse,
Jumping to f3, of course.
But don't be too shocked,
To learn that one pawn gets blocked:
That f-pawn feels mild remorse.
If an American lost fast as Black,
To a Japanese who cut him no slack,
Would the Asian make haste,
To name, in bad taste,
The opening "The Pearl Harbor Attack"?
I love the name Yevteshenko,
And of course the name Kasyanenko,
But Soviet nouns,
Have Hungarian sounds,
So make my opening Benko.
My father he ruled by the lash,
His temperament definitely brash,
"Take a good gander, son,
At that move called the Anderssen,
And promise you won't play that trash."
The drug dealer offered me huijs,
The brothel took payment in cuijs,
But I knew this was Holland,
When the chessplayer Rolland,
Opened with the Van't Kruijs.
The patzer was just a bit dense,
Of tempi he lacked all good sense,
So when fearing a pin,
He would give up a win,
By playing the stupid Clemenz.
There once was a bug on a squareWho paralysed me with his stareImagine the shockWhen I thought of my clockAnd I checked and my flag wasn't there
I visited Washington Square,
and played a park hustler there.
The bet was for twenty,
I pummeled him plenty,
Then found that his wallet was bare.
A knight found a hole on c2Preparing a crushing breakthroughBut then on h8His king was in mateFrom there there was nought he could do
Here's one a friend wrote after a blitz session:
The Yorkshire Champion, our Tag
Tried blitzing whilst smoking a fag
When the going got tough
He took a big puff
And said, "That's a bit of a drag"
I once played a guy name of Trump
who told me my knight couldn't jump
he called me a fool
till I showed him the rule
it was he and not I that's a chump
There once was a player called Trump
Who tried his opponent to hump
She picked up a knight
And with all her might
Shoved the piece right up his rump
I once had a crucial decision
in a king and pawn endgame position.
His pawn was in take,
I thought, "What a mistake!"
But his king, it then took opposition.