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Chess Limericks

  • #21

    ()

    A man upon hearing a dare,

    Opened his game with The Ware,

    He paid a big cost,

    For his a3 rook was lost,

    To a bishop that was eyeing that square.

     

    ()

    To bring your rook fast to the fray,

    Is considered extremely bad play.

    But if your rook wants to be,

    Fast lost at h3,

    The opening you want is Desprez.

     

    ()

    Two Nazis played chess on a bench,

    At the bottom of a battlefield trench.

    The bullets kept zinging,

    And their ears kept on ringing,

    As they worked out the moves of the French.

     

  • #22

    Great

  • #23

    ()

    The Zukertort starts with a horse,

    Jumping to f3, of course.

    But don't be too shocked,

    To learn that one pawn gets blocked:

    That f-pawn feels mild remorse.

     

    ()

    If an American lost fast as Black,

    To a Japanese who cut him no slack,

    Would the Asian make haste,

    To name, in bad taste,

    The opening "The Pearl Harbor Attack"?

     

    ()

    I love the name Yevteshenko,

    And of course the name Kasyanenko,

    But Soviet nouns,

    Have Hungarian sounds,

    So make my opening Benko.

     

    ()

    My father he ruled by the lash,

    His temperament definitely brash,

    "Take a good gander, son,

    At that move called the Anderssen,

    And promise you won't play that trash."

     

    ()

    The drug dealer offered me huijs,

    The brothel took payment in cuijs,

    But I knew this was Holland,

    When the chessplayer Rolland,

    Opened with the Van't Kruijs.

     

    ()

    The patzer was just a bit dense,

    Of tempi he lacked all good sense,

    So when fearing a pin,

    He would give up a win,

    By playing the stupid Clemenz.

     
    ()
    Playing White was a big jungle man,
    Bone in his nose, spear in hand.
    So it didn't much faze me,
    When he played kind of crazy,
    By choosing The Orangutan.
     
  • #24

    There once was a bug on a square
    Who paralysed me with his stare
    Imagine the shock
    When I thought of my clock
    And I checked and my flag wasn't there

  • #25

    I visited Washington Square,

    and played a park hustler there.

    The bet was for twenty,

    I pummeled him plenty,

    Then found that his wallet was bare.

  • #26

    grin.png Very good

  • #27

    A knight found a hole on c2
    Preparing a crushing breakthrough
    But then on h8
    His king was in mate
    From there there was nought he could do

  • #28

    Here's one a friend wrote after a blitz session:

    The Yorkshire Champion, our Tag

    Tried blitzing whilst smoking a fag

    When the going got tough

    He took a big puff

    And said, "That's a bit of a drag"

  • #29

    I once played a guy name of Trump 

    who told me my knight couldn't jump 

    he called me a fool 

    till I showed him the rule 

    it was he and not I that's a chump 

  • #30

    There once was a player called Trump

    Who tried his opponent to hump

    She picked up a knight

    And with all her might

    Shoved the piece right up his rump

  • #31

    I once had a crucial decision

    in a king and pawn endgame position.

    His pawn was in take,

    I thought, "What a mistake!"

    But his king, it then took opposition.

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