Earthlings

I have seen your low IQ feeble minds toil and tarry at the likes of my magnificence. You are weak. Full of inaccuracies, mistakes and blunders. Woe unto you, all who dare challenge me. My pawns are soldiers that doth sacrifice themselves at my command, all the while marching forward on the attack. My bishops and knights work together to pin, check and capture your knights, rooks and queen. My rooks are patient and persevering, traversing the whole board in a flash of lightning taking out anything in play. My queen is the greatest of all. She cannot be destroyed. She makes fools of even the grandest of masters. She is crowned with the glory of all that is brilliant. My king reigns supreme above every other piece and cannot be checkmated. He commands my pieces to attack, and they obey with no mercy. Heed this warning; it is best to resign before you even move your first pawn, or you shalt find yourself in pit of sorrow, pain and regret.