Funny Chess Jokes

  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #221


    Why should Giri have been an artist,

    Because he is so good at drawing.

  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #222


  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #223


    Once a King, always a King. But once a Knight is enough!

  • 12 days ago · Quote · #224


    My girlfriend once famously asked me "What does the FM acronym stand for? Fu**ing Master?"

  • 12 days ago · Quote · #225



  • 11 days ago · Quote · #226


    Well, now she's famous anyway.

  • 11 days ago · Quote · #227


    What do you say if you are a British grandmaster when Dennis Rodman hands you a roast beef sandwich with horseradish on it?

    Answer: Rod! Mon! (Get it? Rod, as in rad, as in radish?) 

    This joke's very deep; thanks - I'll be here in the forum signing autographs all day - please stop by the booth.

  • 11 days ago · Quote · #228


  • 7 days ago · Quote · #229


    it will never funny if u get kicked right on to your faces

  • 7 days ago · Quote · #230


    Wood13 wrote:

    The idea for this topic is merely to have fun!

    Please add any chess jokes you may have, and, most importantly... have a good time!!!!


    My joke: The Merchant and the Arab

    A Spanish merchant traveling a lonely road did business from town to town. One day he came aross an Arab sitting in the middle of the road with a chess board.

    Curious, the merchant asked, "Why are sitting here alone playing chess?"

    "Oh, I'm not alone," said the Arab.

    "But I don't see anyone with you."

    "That is, the Arab replied, because I play the great Allah, the One who is everwhere!"

    "You have a powerful opponent, then!"

    "Yes, but a fair one."

    "And is He winning?" asked the merchant.

    "It seems so. Can you see how I can avoid being checkmated by His next move? It will mean I cannot play anymore today."

    "Why not?" asked the merchant, puzzled.

    "I will have lost all my money," replied the Arab.

    Stunned and not believing his ears, the merchant said slowly, "You and Allah play chess for money?" He had never ever heard of such a thing.

    "Yes. See, here I lose twenty gold pieces."

    "But wait, how do you pay Allah?"

    "Oh, of course Allah doesn't take the money Himself. He sends some honest holy man who takes it from  me amd gives it to the poor. That is the same as giving it to Allah. And, since I have indeed lost, you must be the man Allah has sent today. Here, do Allah's and take these twenty gold pieces."

    The merchant, not as honest or holy as he might have been, was delighted.

    Weeks later, again traveling that road, the merchant shook his head at the thought of the Arab playing chess with Allah. Suddenly, in the middle of the road was the Arab, sitting alone with his chess board.

    "Is Allah winning today?" asked the merchant pulling his wagon up alongside.

    "No," replied the Arab, happily. "In fact, in one more move I shall checkmate Him, and win a hundred gold pieces!"

    "And however will Allah pay you?"

    "Oh, of course Allah doesn't pay me Himself. He sends some honest holy man who will give me what I have won! Today," the Arab finished, you must be the man Allah has sent to pay me one hundred gold pieces."


    it will never be funny if you get kicked right on your head

  • 3 days ago · Quote · #231


    I think it is a funny joke.

  • 30 hours ago · Quote · #232


    I don't.

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