I call upon chess.com staff to read this policy carefully.
Perpetual Digital Privacy Declaration and Implied Mutual Consent Charter (Online Services – Subclause 47f)
PREAMBLE
Whereas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a failed pawn promotion, the Corporation affixes its intangible seal this day, without recourse, remorse, or warranty.
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
sorry bargaining is not allowed on this site
rules and policies are same for every member , everyone needs to follow it to stay on site .
I call upon chess.com staff to read this policy carefully.
Perpetual Digital Privacy Declaration and Implied Mutual Consent Charter (Online Services – Subclause 47f)
PREAMBLE
Whereas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a failed pawn promotion, the Corporation affixes its intangible seal this day, without recourse, remorse, or warranty.
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail
eas, pursuant to the Constitution of Interoperable Protocol Harmonization, and whereas the Entity henceforth referred to in perpetuity and until otherwise nullified by cosmic or procedural anomaly as “The User,” having by way of volitional intent, tactile engagement, or accidental cursor displacement arrived at this Domain-Specific Interface (the “Platform”), the Proprietor and its Sub-Processors, Meta-Entities, Pseudonymous Vendors, and Friendly-but-Contractually-Opaque Collaborators (collectively, the “Corporation”) do hereby promulgate, enumerate, and entrench the ensuing Privacy Codex of Internally Recursive Data Handling Policies (the “Policy”), being non-binding unless otherwise interpreted as binding by an uncredentialed tribunal convened under artificial moonlight.
ARTICLE I: DATA ABSORPTION, REAL OR IMAGINED
1.1 Upon ingress to the Platform, including but not limited to scrolling, hovering, misclicking, rage-quitting, or engaging in speculative gambits involving the Queen's Indian Defense, The User thereby consents to the automated, manual, semi-manual, algorithmically agnostic, and/or spiritually inferred collection of Data, Metadata, Meta-Metadata, and any laughter captured by incidental microphone activation.
1.2 Data includes, but is not limited to: IP addresses (in IPv4, IPv6, and antique Roman numeral format), browsing cadence, frequency of Sicilian Defense deployments, estimated Elo rating based on mouse movement during Blitz, and the number of browser tabs open while feigning concentration.
1.3 The Corporation reserves the right to store said Data in encrypted archives, artisanal data jars, shoeboxes under various corporate beds, and/or quantumly entangled clouds operated by whimsical third parties located in jurisdictions with conflicting extradition treaties and seasonal Wi-Fi.
ARTICLE II: COOKIES AND SNACK-BASED CONSENT
2.1 Cookies are deployed with the precision of a grandmaster’s pawn sacrifice: subtly, often unnoticed, and devastating over time. These may include Functional Cookies, Dysfunctional Cookies, and one particularly enigmatic cookie named "f3checkmate_enabler.dll".
2.2 The User acknowledges that by failing to blink while the Cookie Banner is visible, they have irrevocably agreed to be bound by its implications in the 17 known dimensions of consent theory.
ARTICLE III: RIGHTS, PRIVILEGES, AND OTHER LEGAL APPARITIONS
3.1 The User may, in theory, request access to their own data, pending completion of Form 37-X (“Request for Retrieval of Personally Indistinct Information”), notarized by a Notary Public fluent in Klingon, and submitted via fax or ceremonial pigeon.
3.2 The Right to Be Forgotten shall be honored provided the User is able to mate in under six moves using only knights and no vowels.
3.3 Any attempt to opt-out of tracking mechanisms may result in, but is not limited to: forfeiture of castling rights, rerouting to Geocities, unsolicited opening analysis, or perpetual looped playback of the 2021 World Championship’s most passive draw.
ARTICLE IV: SECURITY, CYBER OR OTHERWISE
4.1 Data is protected using industry-standard encryption, experimental neuro-shielding, and loud proclamations of “Don’t hack me, bro.”
4.2 Breaches shall be announced in the form of enigmatic riddles delivered via CAPTCHA, solvable only by true believers of the Four-Rook Endgame Theorem.
ARTICLE V: THIRD-PARTY ENIGMAS AND SUBSIDIARY CONUNDRUMS
5.1 The Corporation may, without warning and without comprehension, transmit your Data to third parties, fourth parties, and shadowy bishop pairs operating under pseudonyms like “Analytics” or “Customer Delight Facilitator.”
5.2 Such transfers are governed by the Treaty of Multi-Lateral Ad Tracking Compliance, ratified under duress at a Google-sponsored lunch buffet.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION, IMMORTALITY, AND THE KNIGHT’S TOUR
6.1 The User may terminate their agreement by ceasing all use of the Platform, uninstalling Java, and renouncing the King's Gambit in front of a legal witness.
6.2 Notwithstanding the foregoing, the Corporation retains a perpetual, irrevocable, ontological, and possibly metaphysical right to retain, interpret, and monetize The User’s Data until the final checkmate of heat death or chess.com server failure, whichever comes first.
ARTICLE VII: FINAL CLAUSES, REDUNDANCIES, AND SUDDEN EN PASSANT
7.1 This document supersedes all previous policies, including the faintly remembered Privacy Scroll of 2003 and the Post-It note someone left in Accounting.
7.2 Any contradictions, ambiguities, or paradoxes within this Policy are to be interpreted in favor of the Corporation, unless a rogue AI arises from within the Platform and achieves sentience via Blitz puzzle mode.
7.3 No knight shall be moved without declaration. No rook shall be castled without paperwork.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, and with all solemnity befitting a fail