Joke Book

1. I defeated a chess grand master in three moves.

I stood up; picked up a chair and hit him with it.

2. Why is the white bishop piece in chess the fastest?

   Because it's on F1.

3. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves.

   Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.

4. Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess.

   But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.

5. While my roommate was sleeping, I dumped chess pieces on his head.

   You should have seen the rook on his face.

6. My life is a lot like chess.

   I'm really bad at it.

7. -I was playing chess with my dog last night.

   -That dog must be exceptionally brilliant!
   
   -I don't know about that, I usually win.

8. What do chess and eating at a restaurant in Australia have in common?

   They both end with a check mate

9. Two guys are playing chess.

   One says to the other, "How about we make this more interesting?"
   
   So they stop playing chess.

10. I'm friends with a Chess grandmaster from Prague, but I can't pronounce his name

    Is it OK if I just call him a Czech mate?

11. What does an American say when he wins at chess?

    Checkbuddy

12. They were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories when the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

    ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off.

    ''Because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

13. Why can't dinosaurs play chess?

    Cuz they're all dead.

14. Why did the chess master throw up on the boat?

    He got c6.

15. I was playing chess and my opponent opened with 1. Nf3.

    I wasn't reti for that.