make a (stupid or useless) chess rule and name it!

I start:

 gnawzguz (zugzwang reversed) makes it so that kings can't move foward, diagonally, or sideways, and that queens have to move 9 squares at a time. 

in other words, they can't move.

very funny

Urm.. the treachery rule meaning bishops cant check

On every third move, you can switch two identical pieces of opposite color with an exception of the kings. I have actually played a game of chess like this!  It adds a whole new dimension. I call it, Swap Chess!

pawns cant move

pawn can randomly transform in a piece you captured to protect their king

pawns can move backward and sideways and diagonally in either direction

You can capture your own peices and pawns. Example: white knight takes white pawn

That means that bishop and queens and kings cant move

that's the point!

I have an idea: how about speed chess? Players can't take turns and can move a lot.

Vigilante chess: where you don't have to wait for your opponent to move a piece.  You can play a move whenever you want.

Slapmate: Instead of shaking hands... the winner slaps the loser in the face!

Only people named Magnus can play chess.

Pawns on promotion get to choose whether to become Will Smith or conspiracy Keanu

Pawns can only promote if there is a rook on the same rank that is not blocked by any piece.

toasters have to be done cooking toast before pawn promotion. Opponent has to like toast or you cannot promote