Signs you're a bad chess player

If you are losing (ONLY then), you revert to the classic book move named the Capablanca Fly Gambit.

"What is that, a fly on your forehead?", you exclaim while leaning forward to swat it.

When you only play blind people , and move their pieces for them .

You are down to only your king and either a knight or a bishop; your opponent (who has a Class J USCF rating) has naught but his king.

You assert that the 50-move rule does not apply to you because you are winning and closing in on the kill.

To this you add: "Thank God we are not using clocks."

Current top rated player at Blitz on this site did it primarily using a Hippopotamus Attack based system, if I recall correctly.

Edit: By this I mean "rated on this site". Obviously the top rated OTB player, probably highest OTB rated at Blitz too, who also has an account on this site is Magnus Carlsen, not that he uses it as far as I'm aware.

DId they win?

Often enough:

http://www.chess.com/livechess/profile/Eilyisum 

"In time and after more than a hundred hours of work, I nearly perfected my “hippopotamus” anti-engine opening system.  I continued to play my “normal” openings against human players.  If you go through my games history and see me play a “normal” opening against an opponent, it means that I at least believed he was human."

That NN guy is always loosing, Even In Bongcloud Chess

In the Oldest Recorded Bongcloud Game

You know you are a bad chess player when instead of making your opponent crap his pants, the shoe is on the other foot.

He crapped in your shoe, or what?

No, no... I was talking about you. Just trying to be polite.

Oh...I crapped in your shoe, eh?

If I want any crap from you, I'll squeeze your lips. 

refer to post 1056

You are a bad chess player when you don't know the difference between a fork and a spoon.

Refer to post 1066.

Refer to post 1065.

What he said.

As a bad chessplayer, you think a pin is something to be found in a haystack.