Signs you're a bad chess player

My 3 year old daughter ready to kick my ass. LOL She decided to attack me with a KING LOL

I play "up" a section normally at chess tourneys. and tactics trainer is just easier for me since I know theres a tactic there.

This is a fun thread, mind you I have only read a few of the 70 plus pages. Even " Old Grumpy " ( aka Mr.e4--- ) is getting into the act, telling jokes and also funny stories about Bobby Fischer. Who knew that Mr.e4--- even had a sense of humour ? So let's keep the Fun with Chess going, hmmm Fun with Chess, interesting idea  lol.  

Hey...be nice.

No that was a compliment, I enjoyed your stories about Bobby Fischer and his cute little Pocket Chess Set, etc, very funny items.

Back in 1972, Bobby warming up for the big game, huddled under the magic chess blanket bestowed upon him by his best pal, your uncle Louie.

I think he's up in the Himalayas...above the clouds...by the look of things:

You think that someone who is 1200 and has played 500 games is experienced.

You lose to fools mate once.

Good chess player...bad chess player...who cares (except, maybe your mom)?

Bobby certainly never let these things bother him, as exemplified (sweet word) by the photo of him below, visiting on your uncle Louie's horse farm up in the Catskills with his favorite mare, named "Cuddles".

And now we are finding the reason why Bobby gave your uncle Louie his most valuable possession in the whole, wide world...his genuine, authentic pocket magnetic chess set that had brought him so much fame (unfortunately, little fortune...but that's not important if you love the game).

If you had a pal with the good graces of an uncle Louie, wouldn't you in gratitude give him everything you owned, too? Hah? Can't hear you. Of course you would!

Hey I thought Bobby said he would never mix sex and chess after that one disasterous loss.

You may be a bad chess player but, in your special ops  arsenal, you are master of the Heimlich manuever and the shin kick...either or both to be applied to the enemy in case of mate onset. Hey...it's war, isn't it?

You think that the French defense is too passive.

The outline of Iceland and a Viking longship on the blanket suggest it was an Icelander's gift, though...

Uncle Louie comes from a quintessential, chess-loving Nordic family.

In fact, his great, great, etc. grandfather (Leif Ericson) was a notoriously bad chess player.

Aunt Emily says that the blanket was originally part of the dowry for Uncle Louie's great, great grandmother.

Not only of intrinsic monetary value (a rare weave, indeed) but, more importantly, the blanket is a token of great love and affection and bestows esoteric and mystical chess prowess to the wearer. Sometimes.

Uncle Louie wore it on one occasion, but since he was such an implacably bad chess player, it "did him no good".

Bobby, on the other hand...the blanket helped propel him to the apex of the chess world. Proves the point.

Here we are in 1972, one year after the Petrosian match. Bobby is being trained by uncle Louie to give hard-hitting body blows in the event anyone across the board were to say: "Good game."

Notice how uncle Louie tucked the genuine, authentic Bobby Fischer pocket magnetic chess set into the top portion of the bag so that Bobby can play with himself while simultaneously spanking the monkey (slang for hitting a heavy bag).

BTW, here is a photo of aunt Emily from "back in the day" with a brand, spanking new body bag that she and uncle Louie (who, again, is taking the photo) bought for their dear pal Bobby. However, by this time Bobby had finished spanking the monkey and would never return to such...or to chess...not for the rest of his natural life (of course, he did play a few rounds here and there...a million bucks per...with assorted middle eastern shahs, oil barons and princes...but that was strictly off the record, so it doesn't count).

"Your body has to be in top condition. Your chess deteriorates as your body does. You can't separate body from mind." -- Bobby Fischer

Bobby Fischer was all heart. He always had a kind and encouraging word for everybody, both to their face and behind their back.

For example, considering what an awful chess player...nowadays people say "bad chess player", but that's just dumb -- if you are "bad" you are a sinner and will go to Hell...so don't blame chess if you end up in Hell!

But I drift... Here is an example of how kind Bobby was, when referring to uncle Louie's god-awful chess play:

"People have been playing against me below their strength for fifteen years." -- Bobby Fischer

You get upset because your girlfriend did not appreciate your brilliant win on level two of Chess Titans.

It's not that your play was poor. True, you did lose a bishop to a cheapo, but managed to hold off the attack and eventually win in forty-five moves. It's not that your girlfriend refused to see the game. No, the real reason is that you failed to show the game to her. Why?

Well, you really did not let your girfriend know that you are her boyfriend yet. You see her every day, say hello to her every now and then, but... One day you must at least walk up to her and introduce yourself. Then you will get the chance to show off your games. Maybe even amuse her: "Did you know that the Parham Attack was named for the hospital for the insane?". That's not really true, but it could be a great conversation starter, especially if Radiohead is playing in the background.

I attended Erasmus Hall H.S., summer of 1959. Took a make-up class for trigonometry. Gee, I guess I came close to bumping into Barbra Streisand or Bobby Fischer.

It is said that your uncle Louie was champ of the Erasmus chess team. I don't know, because I only took one class...summer class...and the joint was mostly vacant.

Anyway, Bobby gives a lucid explanation of how one of the worst chess players in history (uncle Louie) got to be the king of chess in high school. I guess that in the world of blind men, the one-eyed man is king. Something like that.

You don't learn anything in school. It's just a waste of time. You lug around books and all and do homework. They give too much homework. You shouldn't be doing homework. Nobody's interested in it. The teachers are stupid. They shouldn't have any women in there. They don't know how to teach. And they shouldn't make anyone go to school. You don't want to go, you don't go, that's all. It's ridiculous. I don't remember one thing I learned in school. I don't listen to weakies. My two and a half years in Erasmus High I wasted. I didn't like the whole thing. You have to mix with all those stupid kids. The teachers are even stupider than the kids. They talk down to the kids. Half of them are crazy. If they'd have let me, I would have quit before I was sixteen." -- Bobby Fischer

honestly if you playears were as positive about chess as you players are neg.: your average would grow u could play rated players

I did quit before I was 16.