Signs you're a bad chess player

e4nf3

Now that's the spirit!

And, good luck is exactly what most bad chess players desperately need.

Ben_Dubuque

well it turns out your Great Great Grandfather played a few games with Morphy.

he was considered the worst in New Orleans, in fact he is the first person to win a bongcloud game via an opponent checkmating.

but then your great great grandfather agreed to a serious game with him as white.

 

Morphy later used the same opening and won (he was playing with out the b1 knight too)

 



AndyClifton

And yeah, I do suck at blitz, e4...at least nowadays.  Thanks for reminding me.

AndyClifton
griffith58 wrote:

ican raise my rateing100 to 150 in a day.

downtown65

i like that opening and the end result was pleaseing.....

e4nf3

You are welcome, Andy...I have this "all-seeing-eye" in my pocket. So, I know you are no shlep at blitz.

I liked the bongcloud game. Now, the second game... Any game that has more than 10 moves makes me dizzy.

(Well, I think what I just said may be a lie...out of politeness. But I did actually get drowsy after about the 10th move...the rest was just a blur...but, too, I have these damn cataracts that are kickin' up lately...maybe the game was actually superb...I just can't say.)

And...for cabby's sake, who still has me blocked: lol...I am saying to myself while scratching my backside and yawning at the old coot...lol!

cabadenwurt

Hello again fellow Earthlings, yes it is cabby the " lurker ''  lol, keep all the of the funny stories coming  rofl.

e4nf3

cabby: Well that was no fun --- please, I beseech you --- post another funny Bobby Fischer story  lol. 

OK...for you. Tell no one. (lol)

cabadenwurt

Well that was no fun --- I thought that you were going to post another funny Bobby Fischer story  lol. 

e4nf3

Now here, Bobby mentions "automats". Golly, I remember them well.

This would have been in NYC in the early 50ies. I'd go there with my parents; they'd give me a few nickels and I'd walk up to these zillion small windows...maybe 6" x 6"...insert a nickel in a slot and thereby unlock the window and pull out a tuna fish sandwich. Go to another little window and maybe pull out a cherry pie. What you see through the window is what you get.

Everything was a nickel, including a cup of coffee. (In fact, the subway was also a nickel).

There is probably only a rare few reading this who have ever been to a NYC Horn and Hardart "automat". Here, I'll show you a picture:

Mostly what Bobby is about to say is babble talk. However, your uncle Louie would take Bobby to the automat, give him two nickels and say: "Have at it, Bobby!"

God, how Bobby loved the automat and especially the generosity of his dear, sweet pal, Louie...who was helping a struggling/starving chess artist who wasn't earning a farthing at his cruel, parsimonious craft of chessmanship.

"Thank you, Louie!!! Thank you...thank you!!!," Bobby would exclaim, all the while pumping uncle Louie's hand as if it were a tire jack. (That, by the way, is the etymology of the term: Bobbying off.)

Here, then: 

Lots of the time I'm traveling around. Europe, South America, Iceland. But when I'm home, I don't know, I don't do much. I get up at eleven o'clock maybe. I'll get dressed and all, look at some chess books, go downstairs and eat. I never cook my own meals. I don't believe in that stuff. I don't eat in luncheonettes or Automats either. I like a waiter to wait on me. Good restaurants. After I eat I usually call up some of my chess friends, go over and analyze a game or something. Maybe I'll go to a chess club. Then maybe I'll see a movie or something. There's really nothing for me to do. Maybe I'll study some chess book." -- Bobby Fischer



e4nf3

BTW...I haven't heard anyone use the word "luncheonette", which was a commonly used word, since "back in the day".

Here, Bobby is getting custom fitted for a really swell (nobody says "swell" anymore, either) suit, gratis your uncle Louie.

See...just by the radiant, beaming smile on Bobby's face, you can tell that he is fully appreciative of the kindness of a truly crummy chess player, his good pal, your uncle Louie.

Notice, too. the absence of breast pockets which would facilitate the carrying of a genuine, authentic Bobby Fischer pocket magnetic chess set. Bobby, as they say, is "moving on up".

All thanks to uncle Louie, who is also thoughtful enough to be taking this swell photograph which we are all presently enjoying, especially cabby who is probably "Bobbying" as he does so.

Life is good.

Ben_Dubuque

yeah, but you can't forget your great great grandfather's best game.

11qq11

Instead of 12.Nd2, Qxg4.  If d5, Qh4. 

e4nf3

Truly a most memorable game.

Soon as I find a felt-tip pen, I'm gonna annotate it onto my shirt cuff for posterity and in honor of Bobby's memory.

Ben_Dubuque
11qq11 wrote:

Instead of 12.Nd2, Qxg4.  If d5, Qh4. 


but you have to remember that was in the Romantic day's of chess where a player was looking to create an attacking masterpiece, so of course your Great Great Grandfather skipped the opprotunity for a free knight to win the game in miniature style.

e4nf3

You just stopped by aunt Emily's home, bringing bagels and cream cheese as a token of hospitality and good will.

In appreciation, aunt Emily shares with you another photo taken by your uncle Louie. On the obverse side is a genuine Bobbyism, in his own hand with flourishing penmanship... probably from a quill pen.

It says:

"Thank you, thank you to my pal Louie.

You may be a really crummy chess player, but you've got a lotta class, chutzpah and a gold plated heart.

This silk suit you brung for me is a doozy!

Youse's truly,

Bobby"

 

Ben_Dubuque

Your Great Great Grandfather, however never became famous for chess, thouh he did play many brilliant games (like the one below) no he became famous for defending the Little Round Top in the Battle of Gettysburg. here is a game played from that day

e4nf3

Another swell game!...cough...cough...

Here we have Bobby giving uncle Louie some chess coaching. Listen up cabby, mead, hussain worrier...you guys could use some coaching!

For the first lesson, I want you to play over every column of Modern Chess Openings, including the footnotes. And for the next lesson, I want you to do it again." -- Bobby Fischer 

 

I would add this, that "back in the day", the major theme was learning openings. Book after book...openings, openings, openings. The idea was that if you didn't first know openings, then how could you expect to get to the middle and end game?

And, the openings were not called "book" or "lines". Forget about "database" or "engine". In the Sunday newspaper, there would be a chess puzzle...and that would be a treat.

Of course, there were also books of chess puzzles. But in a book, with or without your chess set following along...what could you do...maybe one puzzle per 5 or 10 minutes? Maybe 10 puzzles in a row before starting to feel eye strain?

We've come a long way, baby.

AndyClifton

All this talk of automats reminds me of one of the funniest scenes in history:

e4nf3

I remember this very well...early 50ies. Our first TV! Jackie Gleason and Sid Caesar ruled (and no, that's not Caesar on the right).

Uncle Louie, according to aunt Emily, had some misgivings about gifting that silk suit for Bobby. Why, you ask?

Well, by that time Bobby was starting to become a snob. He started to forget his humble roots.

Here Bobby becomes vexed and bombastic...not only in regard to crummy chess players in general and the world in particular...but concurrently on the unruly ways of the unwashed population of chess players as a whole.

This is what, according to aunt Emily, Bobby told uncle Louie as the two were sipping demitasse espresso down in Greenwich Village at a sidewalk cafe (and no...there were no Starbucks or lattes back then, otherwise, they woulda..see?).

Bobby, by this time, had developed "airs of affectation". In particular, he would raise his eyebrows and shoot his pinky finger straight up towards the Heavens, while lifting the espresso cup delicately and aiming it at his pursed lips:

It's the fault of the chess players themselves. I don't know what they used to be, but now they're not the most gentlemanly group. When it was a game played by the aristocrats it had more like you know dignity to it. When they used to have the clubs, like no women were allowed and everybody went in dressed in a suit, a tie, like gentlemen, you know. Now, kids come running in their sneakers. Even in the best chess club-and they got women in there. It's a social place and people are making noise, it's a madhouse." -- Bobby Fischer


Yoo hoo...Bobby...you forgot your suit!