analysis

[Event "?"]
[Site "?"]
[Date "????.??.??"]
[Round "?"]
[White "?"]
[Black "?"]
[Result "1-0"]
[Link "https://www.chess.com/play/computer"]

1. f4 d5 {Karate is about the strong punishing the weak. I can already tell
which one you are.} 2. d4 Be6 {Chess is the same. Crush your opponent. Assert
your dominance.} 3. Nf3 Qd6 {Go ahead, try to step to me. I’ll hook kick you
into a locker $1} 4. Qd3 {I think the queen might be too advanced for you. Maybe
just stick using pawns $2} 4... c5 {Power over accuracy $1} 5. Qb5+ Bd7 {Attack $1
Hi-YAH $1} 6. Qxb7 {~Yawn~. I can beat a pipsqueak like you in my sleep.} 6... h5
{A blunder $5 No way. I D $146’T blunder.} 7. Qxa8 {Sorry, are you…trying to
threaten one of my pieces $2 LOL.} 7... Bc6 {~incredibly mean girl hair flip~ No
sweat.} 8. Qxa7 {Bo-ring. Your style is so predictable.} 8... c4 {Do you
seriously have to think about this move $2 That’s soooo sad.} 9. Qa3 {Don’t get
used to moving the queen. I’m about to spin kick her off the board.} 9... Qg6
{Catch her if you can.} 10. g3 Qxc2 11. Bd2 {Hit me with your best shot $1} 11...
e6 {Another perfect move. Bet you wish you could do that.} 12. Qc3 {Me...losing $2
This is NOT happening.} 12... Qh7 {I D $146’T retreat. I’m just strategically
shifting my position.} 13. Na3 {Ew. That move was cringeworthy.} 13... Bxa3
{Karate chopping your horse in half.} 14. bxa3 {Your measly little punches
bounce right off me.} 14... Qh6 {I’m the queen bee of my middle school.} 15. Qa5
Ne7 {The horse girls at school are like, the lowest social strata.} 16. Qa7 Nd7
17. Ne5 f6 18. Nxd7 {I don’t need a knight to pulverize you.} 18... Bxd7 19.
Qb8+ Kf7 {Block $2 Evade $2 I can do it all.} 20. Qc7 {Come on, this is like,
white-belt level stuff. Can’t you make this more interesting $2} 20... Nc6 {Ugh. I
hated that move I just made. Whatever.} 21. Qxd7+ {You’ll need, oh, 30 more
moves that good to beat me. We both know you don’t have it in you.} 21... Ne7
{Your threats, weak. Your outfit, weak. Your game, weak.} 22. Bh3 f5 23. Rb1
{The rook is a tower of bricks. I literally smash bricks.} 23... Rc8 {Here’s
some hot gossip: You’re toast.} 24. Bb4 Qf6 25. Bxe7 Qxe7 {I take lunch money. I
take bishops.} 26. Qxc8 {And I’m supposed to care about that $2} 26... h4 27. Rb7
{You can’t stop me. Remember, I always get what I want.} 27... Kf6 28. Rxe7
{Nobody takes my queen without getting a punch to the sternum.} 28... Kxe7 {I
call that move “One Punch Rook Killer.”} 29. g4 g6 30. O-O {How should I break
you $2 With my fists $2 Or by starting a nasty rumor about you $2} 30... c3 31. Qxc3
{Whatever, that piece was a nobody.} 31... fxg4 32. Bxg4 g5 33. fxg5 Kd8 34. g6
Ke7 35. Bh5 Kd7 36. Rf7+ Kd8 37. g7 {Too easy $1 You’re no threat at all.} 37...
Ke8 38. g8=Q# {UGH $1 I LOST $2 We’re playing again. This time, I won’t go easy on
you.} 1-0