I'd actually love a voice mail recording on my phone with Danny "buckle up buttercup" Rensch's voice :)
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Wouldn't it be cool if chess.com held some live chess contests at different ELO ranges (for paying members, so chess.com can afford t do it while drumming up paid business)? They could have contests for individuals as well as tournaments, where the prize is more tangible than chess.com trophy icons (which are, if I may say, especially pointless and absurd).
They might use something like the affordable perk the hit NPR (National Public Radio) series of wit and humor "Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me!", does, where the prize is that the winner get's a message recorded by classic radio voice Carl Kassel on their message machine
Note: Don't get me wrong, this is not a shun of free members, it's just a recognition that chess.com is ultimately a business with a paid staff and would like to make a profit.
Perks like an answering machine message, hats, t-shirts, or other fun things like that clearly don't cost much, and won't get on the IRS RADAR, and are culturally iconic, and therefore would be sought out, while being somewhat tangible and actually worth putting effort into by the contestants.
By the way, that radio show always makes me laugh. They've got some really high brow witty humorists on it who think of brilliantly funny things I only wish I had the speed, wit and erudition to come up with myself:
Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me!