Chess for Oldtimers --- Good Idea !

I came across this funny item the other day: " You know you're getting older when you wake up with that  Morning After Feeling  and yet you didn't do anything the night before ".

Chuckles! Nice one Ralph.

You know you're drunk when you try to brush something off your shoulder and realize it's the floor.

Hahaha!

Thanks for the new posts.

A cute lttle item from Cindy Patterson: Question " Are you going to put candles on your birthday cake ? " Answer " No, it's a birthday party, not a torchlight procession. "  

From Larry Miller's standup act:

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions: "How old are you?" "I'm Four and a HALF!" 

You get into your teens, and now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number.  "How old are you?"  "I'm GONNA be 16."  (You could be 12, but you're "Gonna" be 16. Eventually.)

Then comes the greatest day of your life -- you "Become 21."  Even the words sound like a ceremony -- You "BECOME 21!"....Yes!!!!

Then you "turn 30."  (..what happened there?  Makes you sound like bad milk. "He 'turned' -- we had to throw him out."  What's wrong?  What changed?)

You "Turn 30," then you're "Pushing 40," then you "Reach 50".... 

You BECOME 21; you TURN 30; you're PUSHING 40; you REACH 50; then you "MAKE IT to 60," and by this time, you've built up so much speed, you "HIT 70!"

After that, it's a day by day thing.... You HIT Wednesday......and when you get into your 80's, you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30....  My grandmother won't even buy green bananas. "Well, it's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one."

And it doesn't end there.  In your 90's, you start going backwards. "I was JUST 92!"

Then a strange thing happens: if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a Half."

Happy aging!

Fell off my chair laughing. Thanks MIL. xx

I'm glad it translated to the page. :-)

hilarious, MIL, and so true!

It certainly did!

Thanks for the new posts.

An item from the late great Henny Youngman re medical stuff: The doctor called Mrs Cohen saying, " The cheque came back. " Mrs Cohen answered, " So did my arthritis ! " The doctor then says. " You'll live to be 60 ! "  "  BUT I AM 60 !!! "  " See, what did I tell you ? "      

Chuckles!

Classic!

Thanks for the recent posts.

You know you are getting older if you remember when drinking water came from the tap ( yes just look at all of the bottled water now for sale at the supermarkets ).

I still drink all my water from the tap. Bottled water is a rip off.

I figure minor food and water impurities generally take a lot of years to cause serious damage.  Big plus about being over 70?  They won't have enough time to "get me."  Hah!  Take that, you impurities!

Nice one MIL.