Chess Jokes!!!

How do you know that?

"The loser always wins the postmortem."

I can see that now.....

So, i was haveing lunch with Garry Kasparov the other day. Didn't go to well.

He spent three hours figuring out the best way to give me the check!

There was a chess player from Nantucket, he was so bad he just said "aw ........................."

Andrew Dice Clay: Jack and Jill went up the hill, each had a buck and a quarter, Jill.......

oh, right. Chess jokes thread.......

The Four Knights Scotch.

Hickory dickory dock, some player stole my clock. The clock struck two, I took my shoe, and knocked off his freakin block.

How's that related to chess?

Chess clock. I've had friends who've had theirs stolen at tournaments. For anyone loaning theirs to players that don't have one for their round make sure you know them well.

YOU UNDERPROMOTED TO A KNIGHT?

TIME FOR YOU TO DIE.

BOOM!

Just Kidding.

:-)

varelse1 wrote:

So, i was haveing lunch with Garry Kasparov the other day. Didn't go to well.

He spent three hours figuring out the best way to give me the check!

This is the first meal related joke I get. Good one!

I read this tale about Alekhine i think, he was in a train going to a tournament, and he met this lady and started flirting to her, not saying he was Alekhine and played chess.

At the end of teh trip the woman, who recognized him as the famous Chess Master, said to him: "Dr Alekhine, if chess were about "mating" the queen  you would pretty much suck at it".

Once I played a game of tic tac toe with Vassily Ivanchuk. He ended up losing on time.

Who is Ivanchuck?

lol