Chess Jokes!!!

Even when Ivanchuk does not lose on time he is terrible at Tic Tac Toe. His odd opening choices kill him. If I go in the corner he just refuses to play in the center (Every other move loses). He doesn't like playing the same openings as everyone else.

How do Grandmasters sing the end of the alphabet?

"w,x, Wijk an zee..."

So I was having lunch with Bobby Fischer. He suddenly noticed the security camera in the ceiling. Flipped over the table and stomed out. Screaming that he couldn't concentrate on his Vegetarian Pita with all that racket.

So I was having lunch with Bobby Fischer. He suddenly noticed the security camera in the ceiling. Flipped over the table and stomed out. Screaming that he couldn't concentrate on his Vegetarian Pita with all that racket.

The best Fischer joke ever! So Fischer.

So Ivanchuk goes grocery shopping. He already has 30 of the 40 items he needs, but the store closes in five minutes. So, ...well I think you can figure out what happens from here...

So there I was, eating lunch with Smyslov and Botvinik. Didn't go very well though. There was a checkered tablecloth. When I asked them to pass me the salt, they said they could not, because Tal had already sacrificed it!

So there IS was, eating lunch with Bobby Fischer. He Didn't enjoy it very well,though. He said the way they had set up their salad bar was outdated and archaic. He then demanded that I buy the restaurant, so he could introduce to the world his new FischerRandom Salad Bar. Also known as Salad Bar 960.

Here's one. One day a friend of someone who plays chess asked the person why he could never get girl's. His response because chess players only know how to mate the king.

LOL

and they show it to anyone when they have sacced their lady.

So there I was eating lunch with Jimmy Buffet. Unfortunatly, he still hadn't found his Lost Shaker of Salt.

Then the next day he won against Carlsen and Kramnik.

So there I was, eating lunch with Tigran Petrosian. Unfortunatly we had a checkered tablecloth. When I asked him to pass the salt, it took him 30 moves to get it past the third-rank.

So there I was eating lunch with Ivanchuk. Didn't go very well. We had a checkered tablecloth, and his flag fell before he could pass me the salt.

JJZ03 wrote:

FrodoPiano wrote:

TheBlueKnight9 wrote:

Then their son says, "I under-promoted to a knight," and his parents never talk to him again.

YOU UNDERPROMOTED TO A KNIGHT?

TIME FOR YOU TO DIE.

BOOM!

.

.

That's oay. With the new marraige laws the Supreme court has been passing, won't be long before they say 2 knights can mate!

So there I was, eating lunch with Garry Kasparov. Bad part was, we had a checkered tablecloth. When I asked him to pass the salt, he did so promptly. But then I had sit there, and spend the rest of the meal lustening to him, while he poured through reams of subvariations demonstrating why HIS method of passing the salt was more effective than any previously known.

So there I was, eating lunch with varelse1. Sadly, we had a checkered tablecloth. When I asked him to pass the salt, he started telling me about how GMs had passed the salt to him. The restaurant was closing by the time he was finally finished with his stories.

oh come on people, stop with the checkered tablecloth jokes, they are all old and many of them have been posted a dozen times before on this same topic, if you would read the previous pages you'd know that.

On the contrary, most have been posted by me. And I assure you they are all Varelse1 originals!