What does Stockfish say? 7.5 using chess.com, until the horizon closes in further. 8.7 using the desktop version at 30 ply (over 1 minute). In the simplest of positions, the engine is 3.33% off with about 3 minutes calculation. Now extrapolate this to your method...how long did you want each "relevant" position to be analyzed for again...?
I think it does not use the value 9 for a queen. Even after the queen is on the board it rates it 8.x.
This is strange as winning a pawn in 2 or 3 moves is trivial. But it is worth remembering it is adjusting with other positional factors (activity of kings, pawn control of the centre).
All complete nonsense - it's surprising the thing can play chess at all.
Your entire universe is surreal, so yes it must be.
Not even this page, never mind "the forums".