you went too far slashing his tyres.
Clarification of chess rules required please!
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Beast719 wrote:
In the recent Festival of Champions day-nighter tournament at Colwyn Bay municipal Leisure Palace I was drawn in the semis against 1950's veteran Welsh Champion Gruffyd Glyn-Jones.
He is a wily old fox who knows all the tricks of the trade and so I had to be on my best mettle.
No longer the Behemoth bestriding the board he was in his fifties pomp, the stroke had now limited his conversation to unintelligible grunts, but the intelligent twinkle persisted in his real eye.
After twenty moves I had him in some trouble (playing the Welsh reversed Grunfeld declined countergambit accepted). I had his Queen en-prise when he picked up his black bishop...and used it to clean his ears (left then right).
Touch move I insisted but he blankly refused and instead moved his Queen out of danger.
The adjudicator was called and the decision went against me as Gruffyd did have a medically verified congenital degenerative disease of the inner ear causing overactive wax accretion.
Within ten moves the now sweating, glistening gobbit of wax was starting to melt under the lights and his bishop looked like Michael Jackson. The melting waxen lump was about to drop off onto my attacking Queen and I could stand it no longer. I picked up his Bishop and wiped it on the curtains behind me before placing it back on the board and completing the checkmate.
The adjudicator was called again and I was disqualified from the game and the tournament. The injustice! I was livid. I went straight outside the hall and slashed the tyres on his specially modified wheelchair.
Was the adjudicator right in both cases? When are you allowed to touch your opponents pieces?
ROFL One of your funniest posts so far! Can I have your autograph? 
jamesc76 wrote:
you went too far slashing his tyres.
That's exactly what the WCF said at the hearing. An injustice wrapped in a travesty!
May 11, 2009
0
#6
Good post. I once watched a tournament game in which one guy, a strong player yet a slovenly individual (calling him a slob would be an insult to slobs) ate an entire bag of Cheetos while playing. No napkin in sight. Yes, all that orange Cheeto dust got on every piece he touched, and eventually on his opponents hands too (after a capture here or there). I watched in horror as the entire chess set turned slowly orange. I don't know how his opponent could stand it, but I'm not sure what he could have done about it; this was a rated tournament game. It was maddening to watch. Also disgusting. A true story!
Very funny indeed.But unless he had a doctor's note who recommended the use of a bishop as a Q-tip,I think the adjudicator made an incorrect call (but i'm no rules expert).If it WAS touch rules,he was correct to disqualify you,but should have forced your opponent to move his bishop beforehand.Guess they never heard of swine flu :)
meclydagh wrote:
Very funny indeed.But unless he had a doctor's note who recommended the use of a bishop as a Q-tip,I think the adjudicator made an incorrect call (but i'm no rules expert).If it WAS touch rules,he was correct to disqualify you,but should have forced your opponent to move his bishop beforehand.Guess they never heard of swine flu :)
Funny? Not to me it's not. The WCF handed down a three month ban. I will now miss my home town - Llantrissant Legends of Chess Classic and the chance of retaining the Auburn Fleece.
Chronic420 wrote:
this all sounds fake...no judge in his/her right mind would allow an player in a touch-move situation clearence because his ears were waxy
My mechanic and good friend, Joe Swanson, performed the repairs on the slashed wheel chair tires. I must believe it to be true.
keep these situations coming... funny...fuuunnnyyy!
and, by the way,u should mind your own ear wax.
May 11, 2009
0
#11
@ Chronic420
What have you been smoking? There's no cause to doubt Beast719's veracity.
roflAIRFORCE.
simonlysander wrote:
@ Chronic420
What have you been smoking? There's no cause to doubt Beast719's veracity.
the clue lies in his username, surely
This really was very funny. More please. While you are at it you might be able to help ChessBlucher with his 11th grade assignment!
??
May 12, 2009
0
#16
The rule is straight forward: if you wish to touch/adjust a piece which you do not intend to move, you must say "J'adoube" [french for "I adjust"].
So, the arbiter was probably wrong.
Very funny story though!!!! I love it.
May 12, 2009
0
#17
My wife wonders whether the resemblance to Michael Jackson might have been a tad more evident if he had used the white bishop to clean his ears.
Frequent_flyer wrote:
Good post. I once watched a tournament game in which one guy, a strong player yet a slovenly individual (calling him a slob would be an insult to slobs) ate an entire bag of Cheetos while playing. No napkin in sight. Yes, all that orange Cheeto dust got on every piece he touched, and eventually on his opponents hands too (after a capture here or there). I watched in horror as the entire chess set turned slowly orange. I don't know how his opponent could stand it, but I'm not sure what he could have done about it; this was a rated tournament game. It was maddening to watch. Also disgusting. A true story!
Eating at the board isnt allowed in FIDE events, I am not sure about USCF. However, it might require a complaint from one of the players before anything is done. Many rules arent enforced strictly if there is no complaint.
I would say that you should have plead OCD, and that the dirtiness of it was on the verge of causing you a nervous breakdown. The ajudicator seemed to really be buying into the medical excuses...
AnthonyCG wrote:
There's no rule in USCF that prohibits eating (didn't see that comming...) so you could eat. In our slob's case you can call a TD and complain that your opponent is damaging your pieces and that gets a DQ. The only other way is if your opponent's eating cause a disturbance but they may only get a warning although USCF allows TD discretion so he could give warnings only and be lazy or he could even eject you from the tournament. As FIDE goes, what about the Korchnoi -Karpov 1978 WCC game where Karpov was mysteriously delivered yogurt even though he didn't even ask for it?
It was discovered later with an x-ray machine that there was a tiny hacksaw sunk into the yogurt.
Apparently Karpov was not informed of "Plan B" or it was erroneously delivered to the wrong player and Korchnoi feigned ignorance.
Crafy Russians.
But in all actuality: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/chess/malcolmpein/3673776/Dont-mention-yogurt....html
Seriously? A heavyweight hypnotist? Sounds like something Beast719 would cook up.
In the recent Festival of Champions day-nighter tournament at Colwyn Bay municipal Leisure Palace I was drawn in the semis against 1950's veteran Welsh Champion Gruffyd Glyn-Jones.
He is a wily old fox who knows all the tricks of the trade and so I had to be on my best mettle.
No longer the Behemoth bestriding the board he was in his fifties pomp, the stroke had now limited his conversation to unintelligible grunts, but the intelligent twinkle persisted in his real eye.
After twenty moves I had him in some trouble (playing the Welsh reversed Grunfeld declined countergambit accepted). I had his Queen en-prise when he picked up his black bishop...and used it to clean his ears (left then right).
Touch move I insisted but he blankly refused and instead moved his Queen out of danger.
The adjudicator was called and the decision went against me as Gruffyd did have a medically verified congenital degenerative disease of the inner ear causing overactive wax accretion.
Within ten moves the now sweating, glistening gobbit of wax was starting to melt under the lights and his bishop looked like Michael Jackson. The melting waxen lump was about to drop off onto my attacking Queen and I could stand it no longer. I picked up his Bishop and wiped it on the curtains behind me before placing it back on the board and completing the checkmate.
The adjudicator was called again and I was disqualified from the game and the tournament. The injustice! I was livid. I went straight outside the hall and slashed the tyres on his specially modified wheelchair.
Was the adjudicator right in both cases? When are you allowed to touch your opponents pieces?