dealing with losing

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gbidari
Najdorfian wrote:

They made a new Rocky movie called Rocky Balboa.

Are you saying he said that in that movie?

TurboFish

Try setting a limit (x number of games, or 11pm), then if you lose that last game, think of the opponent as one of your chess teachers (even if lower rated), and literally thank them (at least in your own mind) for the lesson.  You will feel a stinging sensation -- that's the ego.  We all need an ego to function in this world, but the ego is not really who you are, so don't let it wreak havoc with your emotions.

NyeBowman

Rocky said something like "nobody hits as hard as life, its not about how hard you hit but about how much you can get hit and keep moving forwards"

gbidari

Hey you're right, I just watched the clip, thanks! 

Solastalgia

dealing with losing online is tough, in OTB you can totally vindicate yourself with a simple jab,straight cross combo, infact against older players a simple jab to the nose is often enough. Online losses are a different story.First accuse the guy of cheating, if that doesn't work try blame shifting it onto something like your computer screen that was too bright. I also find sending insulting messages to my opponent very therapeutic.If you accept a loss and move forward with any kind of positive attitude you are dead inside.

Solastalgia

just because the next person does not share your liberal and communist view points Juan does not mean you have to get aggressive and insulting this is a forum not a chess game.

Solastalgia

Also in the forum you call me " idiota completo" but in my notes you said " completo idiota"...you are not really a Croatian are you?

isayoldboy
Solastalgia wrote:

just because the next person does not share your liberal and communist view points Juan does not mean you have to get aggressive and insulting this is a forum not a chess game.

 why the hell'd you have to bring "liberal and communist" into it, man?

 

My thoughts on losing are short. Losing can be good for you. Being a sore loser is bad for your health. As someone said upthread said, the sting is your ego. You lose, you go out, you get better.

SilentKnighte5

I'm not a sore loser. It's just that I prefer to win, and when I don't, I get furious.

NyeBowman
gbidari wrote:

Hey you're right, I just watched the clip, thanks! 

No worries, I have probably spent too much time watching that film :P

AKnightWhoSaidNi

I have been getting just murdered. It is disheartening that I have been getting killed, since I want to make my school team, but I know that beating myself up, like others have said, will dig the grave deeper. I try to analyze my game and I am going to get a friend to help, he is much better than me. I would suggest the same, find a good teacher and learn from them. It is a game we are learning, we all fall on the same steps, Carlsen or Anand or Fischer all fell just as we did at one point, what they did was get back up.

isayoldboy
SilentKnighte5 wrote:

I'm not a sore loser. It's just that I prefer to win, and when I don't, I get furious.

 Isn't that the definition of a sore loser? A person who for whom the pain of a loss is blown all out of proportion?

I really don't understand the "winning is everything!1" mindset. You need to know how to lose to get anywhere. 

GMrisingJCLmember1
gbidari wrote:
Pulpofeira wrote:

I agree losses should hurt. But don't forget life hits much harder, as Rocky Balboa would say. That's what I like of this game, is somehow comfortable.

Did Rocky say that? Or are you merely suggesting he would say that? Sounds more like something Paulie would say as he drinks from a crumpled brown paper bag and stares you down.

hahahahahhahahahah

SilentKnighte5
isayoldboy wrote:
SilentKnighte5 wrote:

I'm not a sore loser. It's just that I prefer to win, and when I don't, I get furious.

 Isn't that the definition of a sore loser? A person who for whom the pain of a loss is blown all out of proportion?

I really don't understand the "winning is everything!1" mindset. You need to know how to lose to get anywhere. 

You'll be a GM soon at the rate you're losing.

heyRick

I became a diamond member seven months ago because I wanted to learn the game. I knew that almost everyone I played against would be a stronger player than I was. Losing games has never been an issue for me and it shouldn't be for you. I knew that the only possible way for me to improve was by losing to stronger players and analyzing my games afterwards. Winning against weaker players doesn't do much to help you improve your game because your not really learning as much from a weaker player than you would from someone stronger. You don't have to win a game everyday. Just enjoy this great game. Peace!

Lagomorph
SilentKnighte5 wrote:

I'm not a sore loser. It's just that I prefer to win, and when I don't, I get furious.

Let me ask you a question:

Which of these two scenarios makes you more furious:

A. You play a very poor game, missing a number of opportunities but your opponent blunders his Queen and you are able to win in the endgame.

B. You play a very sharp game, very good positionally, and you win an opponents piece through a brilliant tactic, but your opponent hits you with an even sharper tactic and you lose through a forced mate.

witty_cupcake

Winning after playing a terrible game is not a win at all, in my opinion! i'd not feel good about that at all.

But the one that would be really upsetting and hard to let go of would be the B. scenario! Because it leaves you feeling as if youre best wasnt good enough because it wasnt. = (

Lagomorph
witty_virgin wrote:


But the one that would be really upsetting and hard to let go of would be the B. scenario! Because it leaves you feeling as if youre best wasnt good enough because it wasnt. = (

Wrong answer.

In scenario A, you played below your capability and made mistakes. A poor effort

In scenario B, you played to the best of your ability, but were beaten by a better player on the day.

Out of the next 100 games you play, you should strive to continue to play as you did in scenario B.  You will have some games where the circumstances repeat themselves and despite your best efforts you will be beaten by someone who comes up with a move you missed. But on balance you will win more games than you lose (until you reach your optimum level).

But if you continue to dwell on the injustice, the sheer god-damn-ness, and the general unfairness (think of computer screens and keyboards hitting the wall and floor) of that one game where you "really really should have won", you are letting human emotions win over logic.

Losses are part of the game. When you reach your optimum level you will lose about half of all the games you play. Are you going to beat yourself up 50% of the time you play a game you supposedly like?

I repeat losses are part of the game. I am not saying you have to like them,  just deal with them logically.

witty_cupcake

Logic! Eh, i was hoping to avoid that, thank you very much!Smile

isayoldboy
SilentKnighte5 wrote:
isayoldboy wrote:
SilentKnighte5 wrote:

I'm not a sore loser. It's just that I prefer to win, and when I don't, I get furious.

 Isn't that the definition of a sore loser? A person who for whom the pain of a loss is blown all out of proportion?

I really don't understand the "winning is everything!1" mindset. You need to know how to lose to get anywhere. 

You'll be a GM soon at the rate you're losing.

 Lol I should have a countdown timer in these threads. First personal attack in 3, 2, 1...

If you "don't like to lose", "can't stand to lose," you are a whiny, sore loser, full stop. Learn to love losing. Forget about chess. It's a good life lesson.