His Pawns Are Sweaty

Pawn spaggheti

King's Pawn

Queen's Pawn

Rook's Pawn

Frog spawn.

Queen’s weak

board is heavy

There’s a passed pawn on the a file already

pawn spaghetti

They're doing a parody.

Like this:

i won’t ask what he has been doing with those pawns.

My bad. I suggest you try breaking 1600 before you try chastising a 1960 rated 14 year old.I don't need "attention", it was a joke forum placed on the wrong topic. 

It's always the terrible chess players that say these things. Maybe your chess ability is directly proportional to how well you take a joke.

it’s about pawns so i guess it is somewhat on topic.

also, he did go for the bait, so i guess that was a success also.

Or where they've been. It's time people stopped tormenting the poor pawns. 

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/off-topic/the-sad-tale-of-the-pawn

There's some old story, a GM loses a game against a lower rated player and when asked about it he said "my rating can't protect me against good moves!"

Sorta the same thing here. Your rating doesn't protect you from acting like a dumb kid

There once was a guy named spaghetti

Whose pawns, as he claimed, were quite sweaty

Opponents would gasp

When one slipped from his grasp

"So I'll start a dumb thread instead", said he.

There once was a player quite sweaty

Due to his pawns which were heavy

The 8th rank at last, but his pawn slid right past

He resigned and drove home heart so heavy

Bah, I didn't even notice I rhymed heavy with heavy.

Oh well, I thought it was pretty good  

his pawns are sweaty

so he says

lyrics by Tom Petty

and Joan Baez

Well, it was better than ghost_of_pushwood's, anyway  

That might be a first!