How can I not quit chess?

I started playing chess once the big chess wave started, with queens gambit, pogchamps, etc. but recently over the last few months, my motivation for the game has been declining.

I think that it is because I can't find much motivation to play the game anymore, and every time I play, it's almost like if I don't win this, I'll lose everything, because I know that will hurt my rating, and that wouldn't look good on my part, and once I try to get the motivation to play rated online games again, I just don't feel like it.

I did try and play otb tournaments and stuff, but that has been declining too, because I wanted to play more otb tournaments because it feels like something to stress over more than online games. 

Another factor is that studying the game is boring. It could be me studying wrong, but for most of my time, I study openings, and my method is to study openings with large amounts of lines (move 10-20) because why would I study a recommended amount of lines when I don't know what to do if my opponent plays something I didn't study, and that would only get repetitive and boring. I did try to study other aspects of the game, but same thing, it gets boring over time.

Corelating to the 3rd paragraph, I get demotivated when I lose a game that I should've won, and it always seems like that there's a reason why I lost, not relating to chess. One time I was at a tournament in Milwaukee when I played a kid who looked around 10 or 11, and was 300 points lower than I was and I lost to him after I was wining the whole game, and it was a stupid mistake that shouldn't have happen in the first place. 

Game for anyone wondering (with black): 

It made me lose 60+ rating points that match, and even worse I felt sick that day, but not too terribly sick that I couldn't play. I later left the tournament because of that sickness, and it looks unsportsmanlike, but in reality it's just the fear of losing more rating points. The player I lost to in that tournament would later on lose the rest of his matches, which made me feel embarrassed, to really nothing.

All I want is answers on how to motivate myself to play again and how to get over the fear of losing rating points. I doubt anyone will see this, but I really want to have a reason to play again.

Don't let your rating control you. If you focus on getting better your rating will follow. It's just a rolling test of how much you've learned.

https://support.chess.com/article/437-how-do-i-get-better-at-chess

Do some other things to help with improvement like puzzles etc 

Yeah, tournament losses can be really painful. Everyone has a story about a game where they were winning the whole time but then they blunder and lose.

One nice thing for us is we're amateurs, so the embarrassment is private. When pros lose games like the one you showed, everyone sees it... and even worse, if you play like an id iot in a world championship match (like Nepo) then your stupid mistakes are preserved as a part of history. People who aren't even born yet will be talking about unimaginably bad Nepo played... but he didn't quit chess. He's even playing for the world title again in a few months.

In the end no one can make you have motivation, that has to be something that comes from inside of you. All I can add is that people who stick with chess (or anything else) for decades enjoy the process. Good results are nice, but enjoyment from playing the individual moves and positions, that's where long term motivation comes from.

With the internet everyone is a celebrity and take their fame whichever way they can get it.  Then they complain about the lack of privacy.

Why force it? Maybe chess is just not for you. No big deal.

I think you should go on a retreat to study game reviews. Get Golombek's well written book on Capablanca or Stohl's Gary Kasparov's Greatest Chess Games and just go on a retreat. No openings, no endgames, no OTB, no online play. Do nothing but game reviews. Just try to determine the protagonist's moves. Especially try the moves before diagrams or author's comments. See how many you get right. Just relax and bask in the light of greatness. You will come out of your retreat renewed.

This is what my school's French professor said to a struggling student. Made the student cry. The OP is not going to cry. They're going to find a way.

looks like i have a job waiting for me in your school

Sometimes you make me cry, sniff. But then I get over it and life goes on.

Moi? But I'm the kindest dictator you'd ever meet. Just ask the last person I didn't shoot

Yeah.

Wouldn't it be a lot more fun to do a hobby you're actually interested in, instead of being unhappy and wishing you liked chess? That's always something to think about.

why are you studying lines until move 10 or 20, I haven't even gotten to that point for most of my openings

I like to see the end of the Spanish Chigorin after twenty moves.  It's still closed after all those moves! It's incredible and beautiful. It's so closed, I have a hard time deciding how to proceed. I don't study it. I sometimes just go to the end of a line to see what it looks like. Chess is really beautiful. Why not just take the tour if you're not good at it.

It's different if you're doing it for fun but OP doesn't really see it that way?

How not to quit chess? Well....its easy to quit because that will solve all problems with our losses. But if you say to yourself loosing is not an option and start with small incremental progress, then your expectations will be low and you will slowly gain in your understanding of the game. I would say start with just simplifying the process of thinking...break it down. I have an article published on my blog and I will be adding more here. But just this one article will help you a lot with basic understanding. I am not a chess master but I have learnt from others or sometimes copied others.

https://kingchesssets.com/blogs/news/how-to-increase-your-chess-rating

Even I am struggling. I surely think I will quit chess but I just do not want to. It is tough, you know? I am good at chess. I just can't find the motivation to carry on with my chess life.