How much studying before I'm not a GM?

Since Indian food is mostly vegetarian, I imagine they use tofu over there, but I've only had Indian dishes made in U.S. restaurants, so whether or not this is true, I can only imagine, having never been to India.

And to add meat to vegetarian dishes, is so American, I think I'm going to throw up

It's not a question of culture, it's a question of deliciousness!

(actually, I followed the recipe faithfully, with the exception of an exponential increase in amount of ginger root, so the meat was already there.  I just like the joke)

I agree, why bother to make vegetarian dishes and then add meat to them instead of having a good steak. 

Actually these forums for me are starting to compete with chess itself in addictiveness.

Because sometimes the backlog of undigested beef in my intestines prolongs my bathroom appointments to too great an extent, I guess.

Oh well, think of it as an online game where your opponent is stalling a little, but you know that you will win in the end. Also, use beer whenever possible.

Tell that to Nakamura.

not becoming a gm ain't what it used to be, i mean forty years ago was all bar eighty, today a thousand plus, who knows in another forty years any old patzer could be a gm

>:)

The thing is, I am not telling it to Nakamura, I am telling it to the many would-be Nakamuras.

Other helpful advice:

1) Decide on a playing style that is "yours" and spend a lot of time trying to find new openings to match it.

2) Dismiss most of your losses as due to mistakes you knew better than to do and therefore not instructive.

3) Really, all you need to do is avoid chess until you are at least 11 years old or so, and you've already avoided the issue.

I have already achieved this goal. I believe I could teach others.

An oft-neglected part of not becoming a GM is to really let your fitness slide. Hopefully, even if you can't stop yourself becoming an IM, your awful diet and lack of exercise will mean you tire before the end of gruelling tournaments, helping you lose precious rating points. If this doesn't work, try becoming an alcoholic, and if you still can't stop your FIDE rating shooting up, it's time to consider smack, if you really are willing to make the sacrifices to avoid becoming a top GM.

I agreed with you, until you mentioned alcohol. But, I can understand the remote possibility, that alcohol for some, may somehow, be a detriment. But smack???!!!!! You're totally out of your mind!!!!!!!

I suppose an early death would be helpful. Technically, in spite of your best efforts, there's always a remote chance you might become a GM up until you die. I'm not aware of any reports of chess skill improvement after death.

I know this might seem radical. I hesitate recommending it. However, adopting a life style known to shorten life expectancy might be a more acceptable strategy...and more fun too.

Mark Dvoretsky in his recent ChessVibes interview describes one of his pupils: "In 1995, grandmaster Topalov was very weak in endgames. His manager Danailov told me that he didn’t feel confident in endgames and even avoided profitable endgames sometimes, and so he would lose points in endgames, and so on. So we arranged a training session in Moscow; we worked just twelve days. After this session, Topalov won the majority of tournaments which he played during the next year. He won, if I remember correctly, eighty rating points and took third place on the rating list. So, you see, he was a very strong grandmaster at this moment but even for such a level it was very important because it was his weak side."

It's clear from all this that in your quest to avoid becoming a GM, any contact at all with Mark Dvoretsky would pose a serious problem.  Twelve days of training sessions would spell the end to any and all hopes to remain at your regular lowly level.  Reading his books might have similar ill effects, and if possible, avoid speaking his name.  The further you stay away from him, the better off you will be.  He is clearly a one-man wrecking machine.

 you want a plan ? have more children.

This is the last straw! Why, oh why, are cows smarter than sheep?????

Theoreticalboy, I have read your urgent plea, and I can help. Like Carlsen and Kasparov, we have found each other. I am there for you. There are many many low-rated players who can't play chess worth a damn, but does that mean they can't teach? Of course not, "those who can, do, those who can't, teach" but I can't and I can't teach and I can't teach that to you and that's the core of my teaching and I suspect you are unteachable anyway. CONFUSED!? Ha! There! You see, we've already begun... think of me as a guide -- take my hand, take it... ahaha...you see, I snatch my hand away, then I place my hand along my nose creating a crafty block that defeats you from poking me in the eyes, then I fluff my hair at you disrespectfully and say "wubbwubbwubbwubb" ... you see how it is?  The mountaintop is up there, yes, look at it. And we are down here on the valley floor. And we are going to stay down here, where it's comfortable. Do you want to soar with the eagles? DO YOU? Eagles are only recently off the endangered species list. Of course you don't want to be an eagle and I can make sure you never turn into an eagle. Think how terrifying it would be if you suddenly turned into an eagle. Which isn't really possible unless you take lots of peyote LOTS OF IT... but perhaps I've strayed into areas of the teaching you are not yet ready for... Be calm, be still, I know you are eager to get started but there is time -- there is time -- there is always time and that is the first lesson -- the way of the not-grandmaster, is not a hurried path, it is more like a maze, but whereas in an ordinary maze you become lost, in this maze you find yourself... right back where you started! Get it? You thought I'd say "You find yourself (full stop)" but I didn't, I was just making a play on words, I paused a little and then kept going, creating the phrase  "You find yourself right back where you started!" Still lost In the maze! Come on, that's really clever. And there's more where that came from.