How much studying before I'm not a GM?

Theoreticalboy, I have read your urgent plea, and I can help. Like Carlsen and Kasparov, we have found each other. I am there for you. There are many many low-rated players who can't play chess worth a damn, but does that mean they can't teach? Of course not, "those who can, do, those who can't, teach" but I can't and I can't teach and I can't teach that to you and that's the core of my teaching and I suspect you are unteachable anyway. CONFUSED!? Ha! There! You see, we've already begun... think of me as a guide -- take my hand, take it... ahaha...you see, I snatch my hand away, then I place my hand along my nose creating a crafty block that defeats you from poking me in the eyes, then I fluff my hair at you disrespectfully and say "wubbwubbwubbwubb" ... you see how it is?  The mountaintop is up there, yes, look at it. And we are down here on the valley floor. And we are going to stay down here, where it's comfortable. Do you want to soar with the eagles? DO YOU? Eagles are only recently off the endangered species list. Of course you don't want to be an eagle and I can make sure you never turn into an eagle. Think how terrifying it would be if you suddenly turned into an eagle. Which isn't really possible unless you take lots of peyote LOTS OF IT... but perhaps I've strayed into areas of the teaching you are not yet ready for... Be calm, be still, I know you are eager to get started but there is time -- there is time -- there is always time and that is the first lesson -- the way of the not-grandmaster, is not a hurried path, it is more like a maze, but whereas in an ordinary maze you become lost, in this maze you find yourself... right back where you started! Get it? You thought I'd say "You find yourself (full stop)" but I didn't, I was just making a play on words, I paused a little and then kept going, creating the phrase  "You find yourself right back where you started!" Still lost In the maze! Come on, that's really clever. And there's more where that came from.

Agreed -- under no circumstances is it acceptable to verbicize a noun like that.

Wow! That post is in that fuzzy line, where you are either witnessing genius, or you need a psychiatrist! Nice post!

How to not become a GM:

And of course playing chess drunk is another way to ensure the desired goal.

I suppose an early death would be helpful. Technically, in spite of your best efforts, there's always a remote chance you might become a GM up until you die. I'm not aware of any reports of chess skill improvement after death.