How to remain calm when losing? Chess Anger Management?

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Avatar of Leopovich

[COMMENT DELETED]

Avatar of Knightvanguard

Don't take the game so seriously.  Your happiness should not revolve around whether you lose or win.  If it is proof to you that you are someone because you win, then of course losing ruins that imagine of yourself.  It is a game and not a gauge to prove you are or are not important.

Anger only makes things worse.  Chose instead to learn from your loses. After all, no one wins all of the time.

Avatar of MSC157

Depends on what time control is. In bullet, I'm not affraid of anything. I just continue with the play. But in Standard... I calm myself down with sacrifices - which helps me to lose faster OR I get superior position (when the sac is correct (1 out of 20)). Laughing

Avatar of ponz111

Just know it is a fair rare event and enjoy it's rarity?

Avatar of NimzoRoy

https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-management/MH00102

http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx

http://men.webmd.com/guide/anger-management

Type "anger management" into a search engine for lots more information, preferably from RELIABLE sources such as the Mayo Clinic and Web MD, and not from shills who are trying to make money off the subject by selling books, videos, etc. 

Even though a lot of anger management is apparently about being angry at or with others, some of the tips and info should be helpful (I hope).

Avatar of Knightvanguard
ponz111 wrote:

Just know it is a fair rare event and enjoy it's rarity?

I feel the same way when playing an opponent of higher ratings. I become rather upset with myself when I lose to lower rated opponents, but it is a challenge to me to get back to the game and improve. I truly enjoy seeing interesting and challenging positions appear on the board, whether they are mine or my opponent's.  

Avatar of waffllemaster

Well if it's bullet just hold your breath for a few seconds and boom, it's all over :p

In long game I try to make it like a puzzle to solve, try to find the best moves even though I'm worse now, even if I lose it can be a minor victory if I managed to put up the best resistance.  And forget the old position, it can be easy to waste time analysing what could have been, save that for after the game.

Avatar of Leopovich

Thanks for the quick replies. 

I shall use your advices

Avatar of Knightvanguard
Leopovich wrote:

Thanks for the quick replies. 

I shall use your advices

You are welcome.  

Avatar of hoedesack

beer is your friend in those moments of anger & bitterness

Avatar of SPARTANEMESIS

I don't recommend drinking when you're angry, but I'm more of a social drinker.

Avatar of AndyClifton

And always beware of the self-censorship impulse.

Avatar of SPARTANEMESIS

I have to censor myself online, as well as when I'm around women and children.

Avatar of 1ernie

I learn more from the games I lose.

When I lose all the games in a tournament I tell myself  "I'm here to learn" ; )

Avatar of SPARTANEMESIS

What do you tell yourself when you win?

Avatar of AlCzervik

In fast games, I resign and start another.

CC games are different. Sometimes I will do a shot. Walk the cat. Check to see if I won the lottery. It sometimes hurts when I go back to the game and see I'm still in the same lousy spot, but, my therapist says I need to do more in trying to alleviate the pain. One day, I hope to know what he means. Wish me luck!

Avatar of AlCzervik
bestovalltime wrote:

I find I play more aggressive when I'm down w piece

No wonder I stink. I don't even know what the w piece is.

Avatar of Stevie65

It's a bishop that whistles

Avatar of SPARTANEMESIS
paulgottlieb wrote:

A quart of vodka, a handfull of pills, all will be well

I had an ex who tried something similar once when I split up with her.  And no, it wasn't the one on Chantix.

Avatar of MichaelBickley

Anger management tends to be easier in person then online.  It's easy to think people on the internet are not real people, because you can't see their faces, so going to a chess club can be a great alternative to online chess if you find online chess is making you bitter.

It's harder to get angry at a person at a chess club then it is online, and someone that can see you getting upset at a chess club is more likely to be sympathetic.  You can also do other chess related things, like volunteer work such as setting up/putting away equipment, or teaching.  

Let me tell you, no matter how bad I get beat, teaching somebody how to play chess for the first time always brings a smile to my face, especially since I have all sorts of goofy ways to help people memorize things.  Here's a good one to help people memorize where the bishops are, the bishops are next to the king and queen because they're the holy men, and the royalty wants to get advice from the people that talk to god.  That usually gets a giggle, and it helps people learn!

Telling people lame chess related jokes is fun too.  What's the differance between a large pizza and a chess player?  A chess player can feed a family of four.  Lame jokes are incredibly stress relieving.  Do you know how hard is it to remain stressed out and serious when someone is mouthing off a series of lame jokes that you're trying hard not to laugh at (to retain your apperance of being all serious and angry)?

At home or at a chess club, studying chess is a great way to unwind from stressful games as well.  So is pretending you know what you're talking about and giving advice on the chess.com forums.

Or practice your anger management.