I am officially a GM

I have worked hard for over year and wanted to share my excitment at finally reaching GM!

I decided to start my own official chess organization called the "Union of Sofa Chess Fighters" which has official ratings and tournaments. It has it's own rating system very similar to FIDE's in which the title of GM (Game master) can be awarded at 2500 points of rating. Unfortunately the only official members of the USCF are me and my cat. So after several hundred official* tournaments (all of which I won, perfect win record, even better than Carlsen), my USCF rating has finally reached 2500 and I was awarded the title of GM by an official USCF ceremony which involved watching 6 hours of Futurama.

I'm looking to soon become the highest rated player in the world and win first place in the USCF "Engines allowed" category of the world championship.

I would like to thank chess.com for the amazing tools they have given me to prepare me. I would've never gotten GM without the amazing people here at chess.com

Anyways, I have petitioned to recieve my official GM title and a free diamond membership. I hope to hear back from them soon.

*Official USCF moderators were present and moderating at all tournaments.

I want to be you when I grow up. My Hero. The first Game Master

What I would like to know is how to become a Union of Sofa Chess Fighters moderator. I cannot aspire to become a GM, but perhaps moderating is in reach for me?

Unfortunately AKAL1, it is a USCF rule that humans are not allowed to be USCF official moderators. The only legal moderators are: Cats, birds, hamsters, and smart breeds of dogs (official list pending).

Right now, there are only two official moderators for the USCF and that is two cats named Sandy and Snowy.

The reason is that if you want to be a USCF moderator, you are officially required to be able to lick the bottom of your feet.

This is a big hoax.

Yes. It is hard to believe a 1400-rated GM.

I actually CAN lick the bottom of my feet...not that I would want to.

I can also lick the bottom of my feet. Can I mutate into a cat, anyways?

I can lick my bottom......does that count ?

Alright foot lickers, can any of you lick the back of your elbows too?
Haha, gotcha on that one, didn't I? 

I think when it boils right down to it, GM means different things to different birds.  To me, it implies galaxy maestro, to you, perhaps it means Gooey-Man.

And in come the trolls...