I really need to enjoy playing chess...

You could probably get a cyanide capsule implanted in one of your teeth, so the next time you lose will be the last time you do anything? Just not thinking, quietly, here

There is nothing wrong with hating to lose as long as you can maintain your composure when dealing with other people.

   I do training on here as well with the Tactics/Mentor/CPU Workout, but perhaps that I don't do it enough. I play a lot, go through my books and analyze my game further after Fritz does so. If I can get over the hump, and not get so POd all the time and just enjoy the game, my progress might come a little easier or at least I will be able to enjoy the game whether I lose or not. We all had to start out being patzers I guess.

Why so hard on the troll. its suck in the middle under a bridge in the damp cold and dark, feed the troll, just don't let it feed on you. BAHH

I think that is a large part of your problem. Engines are ruthless tacticians, and a blunder seems a much bigger deal than it is, because the engine never blunders. I think you should try to play live games here at chess.com, so that you'll see that weaker players blunder very often, even a few times in a game.

About reducing the number of blunders, it's all a matter of experience. When you'll have a few hundred games played in a certain opening, you'll be able to go on "autopilot" without worrying about blunders, at least until the early middlegame. If you take your time and are really determined not to blunder,  you'll have much better results. Tactics trainer is also very helpful.

   tarrasch - I do TT a lot, perhaps not as much as I should, but what I've been doing HAS been helping.

   As far as Live Chess, I have this thing about being in the Live Chess area that I don't want to make a fool of myself in public if I don't play right. I suffer from bi-polar with paranoia issues and I feel like if I lose in such a public venue like that I'm going to be known as an easy win or just some idiot who one day decided to pick up a chess board and play. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone here but my issues tend to give me problems when I am in social situations like that, which is why I tend to stay away from most public places.

Good lord, these forums are better than any on the net!

All weak players blunder is the majority of their games. Nobody is gonna make fun of you or even remember your name, you just play a game then exit. Watch a few low level games if you don't belive me. Also, you have the option of turning off chat, which makes live chess completely non-social.

Yeah, this. You're severely hindering development by never playing against human opponents. Playing a computer is completely different. It doesn't sound like chess is very enjoyable to you. Maybe take a break from it and return when it's not so much a "I must prove myself or perish" kind of deal.

you should try playing turn-based games on here.  that way, if your mental state is not in a great place to make a move you can wait a bit, take more time to think, and be under less pressure.  you can even set the number of days to move to accomodate our swings, if possible.  also, don't play too many games at once, either.  but only you can judge what is too many. 

Exactly, how are you going to improve on your game if you don't lose. When you lose, you work on the areas for improvement.

if you lose and don't feel sick, then where is the passion. of course you feel bad that's human, the tricky bit is controlling the negativity and turning it positive for your self.....

Some times I am bad at chess.

No need to feel bad.

   Wow look at all the responses so far in this thing. A game I played before typing this(it's analyzing now), I din't blunder once but I still lost. I was a Queen down early but managed to get that back then trade rooks. He had 4 pawns, Rook and a Knight against my King and 4 pawns. I managed to squeeze out of a few mate threats but in the end I was still mated. I pounded on the table twice and then got up.

   -planeden - currently I have only one Online Chess game going(well not going, but in the makings, my friend still has to accept it.) That is what I intend to do more of rather than Live. We'll see. The biggest thing is caring whether I lose or not and if I do, how many people around me are going to have to suffer for my worse mood.

 How can you be a queen down early without a blunder ?!  Sorry, this does not compute ! 

I just went over the game again and it said it WAS a blunder, maybe it was there earlier with the first analysis passing I might've not seen the "??"  But if I would've kept the Queen I would've been able to win the game. Anyway, it all comes down to me messing up again, I guess I should not play right as soon as I get up.

This is a good point. From your previous posts it sounds as though you exclusively play against Fritz and ChessMaster. Computers (with the possible exception of the chess.com ones!) punish people like you and me quite severely, even on lower levels: they do not blunder and they take advantage of your blunders, even when using a handicap. My ratio of wins/losses against Fritz (set to 1500 in rated game) is around 1/4. Of the games I've lost, I've held a winnable advantage for several moves in 3/4 of them. Against human opponents of a similar level that would have translated into several more wins.

A few serendipitous wins against human opponents may make you more sanguine about losses against the silicon monstrosity.

You might also want to try playing Live Chess against the chess.com computers. Computer Medium and Computer Hard periodically make perplexing mistakes (the subject of many previous forum discussions). Play a few games against them and you'll see.

I used to be like this, but here is the thing.  You need to checkmate your emotions.  You are trying to play the game of chess, but there is a more important battle in you that you need to checkmate.  Personally, I do this through prayer - Jesus helps me be calm.  I used to hate losing, but after some time, prayer, and repentance, I have developed an attitude where I don't get so bent out of shape over a loss.  The best side of this is that the next game after a loss is much more enjoyable.  :-)

Take a few days break and don't let your life revolve around a game.  Take a walk, get some fresh air, get some new appreciation for the little things in life.  Then come back, and if you lose and begin to feel that way, just walk away from the board.  You are too hard on yourself - even Kasparov has lost before :-)

I have to tell you, I'm SO glad Mark posted this thread! I can't thank all of you enough! You guys have been wonderfully supportive and encouraging, offering some great coping suggestions, and I hope more keep coming. I'm sure there are others reading this thread that have similar issues, but are just lurking yet perhaps benefiting from it too.

I think it's good for him to hear how others have handled it, though for him to actually change something like this will NOT be easy. His negative mentality is so ingrained from when he was very young (it all stems from experiences since then), and everyone knows how difficult it can be to change those things in ourselves.

He also lacks patience in a BIG way, though at times I've seen him exercise it, so it's not impossible! So many of you hit the nails on the head, for sure. I believe it was Jaes who addressed the "reactions" to winning or losing and emphasizing that improvement is gradual. Tarrasch listed those 3 options which were very precise and concise, I think. Excellent points! Yoshtodd's comments were great too, and totally gets it with the "I must prove myself or perish" comment. This is Mark, for sure! And I think everyone realizes that it's not chess specifically that Mark has this issue with---it's many things, but chess being the thing he's decided he wants to focus on and has become VERY passionate about, it is chess he needs these answers for.

As some of you may have noticed, he is very forthcoming about the fact that he is bi-polar with other issues such as paranoia, which makes it MUCH more difficult to battle (so comments about cyanide pills are not appreciated), but the truth is he really does need something like chess in his life to keep his mind occupied. As Mr.NimzoIndian pointed out, chess does enhance problem solving in the real world, but it's also helping him to exercise more patience than he normally does and it flexes his mental faculties. I see it as a godsend, though I think it needs to be more balanced rather than all-consuming.

Nick, I think it was also very helpful to point out the comparative differences in the win/loss ratios between Fritz and human opponents. This is SUCH an excellent point for him to keep in mind.

He did end up taking a walk after reading your post, BirdBrain :) He didn't mention praying specifically, but he told me today that he's trying to refer to specific scriptures to help him, in general, with this. To me, earnest prayer can bring about impossible changes at times! I've witnessed it in my own life and in relation to Mark. He IS too hard on himself for sure, and I've been trying, since I know him, to help him think and behave in more positive ways. A lot in life comes down to LIVING GRATEFULLY :)

My son is also highly competitive, which I've always tried to help him tone down on, but I was never successful with it (he's 25 now). I've always said that, although the world pins medals on people all the time, there is no true "best"; there is simply a known "best" at any given point in time, on any given day, at any given moment. I find the lifetime pursuits for Olympic "gold" a bit ridiculous, when fractions of a second determine which medal, if any, someone walks away with. I think it's important for individuals to strive for their own personal best, not to be "THE" best.

I know I find it sad knowing that when some of you strive to improve, the work can take away the enjoyment. I guess that's true of most things, unless the work itself is something you enjoy! As tonydal said: it has to do with expectations. It puts unnecessary pressure on, but I guess we can't completely avoid it.

I know there are self-esteem issues at play in most cases, or some need to prove something, so dealing with such core issues is what's hard, but in things like this, it's affected and it shows. As I said, I was surprised and very happy that he posted this thread. That alone shows the desire to change, and I hope these answers are helping others too. Thank you again!

Oh, and btw, I did make him a nice "Losing = Learning" banner :) We should take a pic of it and post it. It's now hanging above his wall-hung chessboard with the handmade flat chess pieces I happily made for him in case he wants to play with that too :) It's SUCH a great game!

   Well, what can I say after a post like that? Yes I did take a walk after I lost an idiotically played game to Fritz. I got dressed and cleaned up and took a two mile walk to a park nearby to study openings and some games that I have played.

   Losing has always been hard for me to accept, and it churns the bile in my stomach thinking about it, but I took a small step or two to hopefully release that kind of overpowering pressure on myself. I removed the "Ongoing Fritz record" part out of my profile for one thing. I've always felt I've had to prove myself to everyone because of the experiences I've had growing up. Donna(RookedOnChess) knows me better than my own mother, but yet no one can truly understand how I feel and what goes on in my head but me.

   I was a product of my surroundings growing up. I lose my innocence very early to certain things like seeing an R rated movie when I was 8 where I learned such colorful words or being picked on incredibly so every day all the way up from kindgergarten to high school. Both my parents were blind to it all. Anyway, this need to prove how good I am to people because of all that crap made me extremely competitive and I feel like I have to prove it to everyone, especially myself. As I remember from the movie "Over The Top": "Nobody remembers second place. Why? Second sucks." How true that is to me.

   I want to thank all of you that have sincerely posted in this thread in response to a topic originally that was just meant to blow off steam. I never thought it would get 1000 views and this many responses. Although Donna told me a few days ago she was going to write a bit in it. I honestly felt like I needed her to defend me on this and tell everyone just how truly, obsessed about this I really am.

   -BirdBrain - I know talking about Religion in these forums is a no-no, but, I'm going to try to do what you mentioned. Honestly, I studied to be a pastor a couple of years ago and succeeded but the things in my life are hard to deal with and I guess I just give in. It's always been harder for me to get angry than try to be happy. I told Donna yesterday that I always felt happiness shows weakness and it makes you easy prey. Being angry keeps people away from you. She looked at me like "What?" LOL. I'm somewhat of a closet recluse, because almost everytime I step out into the real world, I get aggravated and stressed out. It's safer indoors to me and I pretty much stay away from places that have 6 or more people in it at one time, which is, suffice to say, everywhere. Anyway, I'm trying to defeat a lot of things I have in my life through Chess, that's why it's such a big deal for me to succeed. But I'm going to try what you said. Thanks

   -Mark