Idea for a new board game called "Gentlemans Game"

In order to save time in blitz chess, and to eliminate time-wasting formalities and rituals like "hello", "gg", etc and other non-essential things, I suggest we simply fork-off a new game comprised of all those niceties and and call it "Gentleman's Game", with its own set of goals and rules. That way,  people who want to just play chess can just play chess, and more dignified players who enjoy a little pomp with their romp can have a sport too.

Gentleman's Game is all about doing things just right, on cue, as expected.  The first move is always "Hello", "Greetings" or "How are you?".  If it is in person, a bow, courtsey or handshake as well as a demure little smile is required.  A brief mention of the weather, or inquiry about your opponent's family can add more time to your clock.

Then everybody sits down and doesn't fidget with the silverware, and engages in polite topical conversation that doesn't involve politics or religion, avoids the use of slang, and shows no discomfort, politely excusing themselves if they have to go to the bathroom.   

Points are lost for failing not wearing a tie, or tying it slopily, or not having glossy polished shoes and perfectly appointed attire. Points are gained for wearing cologne, a hankerchief, cufflinks or a bowtie.  Offering of a breath mint is worth half a point, as is adjusting your opponent's chair for comfort.

At the conclusion, the opponents must say things like "Jolly good game!", get up and smile, say things like "Well, you gave it your best, old chap".  Or "Commendable!" (with simultaneous a pat on the back).  Or, "Quite masterful, the way you handle yourself under stress". One must ask for a rematch only very politely with at least two paragraphs of reasons why, and provide contingency plans.  The other, if declining, must explain that they have a funeral to attend, or a particularly demanding appointment. Alternative excuses include helping the little ones with homework or overseeing chores. And finally, kindly suggest that another time might be better.

Thank you letters (or cards) will be sent between the two players after the game for bonus points, along with a tasteful gift.   Special consideration given for tipping of the hat to the other player at subsequent social events.

Where are the showgirls?

Im guessing you dont get out much?

also showgirls are key....ivandh lets party sometime i like your style. I can catch a flight to Suriname sometime next week

Ridiculous...but, strangely, a good idea, too.

You're thinking of the contact sport called Gentleman's Club, which is not at all similar to  Gentleman's Game.

Besides having a polite conversation, what else is there to engage in? I mean, how does one achieve a win in this? And what about the really ugly contenders? Not even the finest attire would give them a fighting chance at this game.

Can you be high when all this happens?

Politeness is the goal. And social manners. Nothing else matters.

Sounds good, but I was wondering if you couldn't put in some buttons or macros to automate the greetings and conversation. And cams have software that can add things like ties. 

Yes, I know this might artificially inflate the ratings, but since everyone would have it, the playing field would be equal.

A gentleman does not push buttons but uses the finer art of gentle persuasion.

We need a button to claim three-fold repetition of the conversation.

Repeat after me:  We learn by repetition.  We learn by repitition. We learn by repitition. 

Would someone be able to win by resigning gracefully?

At the master level perhaps, beginners should concentrate on things like "Please" and "thank you".

... and bowties. You can't forget bowties. "Bowties are cool" - Doctor Who (the foremost authority on bowties)

so the best arse kisser, who is best dressed receives an automatic advantage ? .....that is too much like having black every game against 1.d4.....

I have already had a beta game with one of the staff to try out our new rules. It was a bitterly fought draw. I will let you guys analyze:

White : Staff member

Black: Ubik42

1. "After you" "No, please, you go first"

2. "After you" "No, please, you go first"

3. "After you" "No, please, you go first"

White claims a draw by threefold repetiton?

Strictly speaking, this last was a blunder. White should have asked for an agreed draw, and not claimed one by force. But I thought it would be poor manners to complain, so I let it slide.