Is Santa real?

just wondering...

Who knows?

(Since this is called a General Chess Discussion) What if there is a chess piece calls Santa,then what moves can it play? 

It's guaranteed, he's definitely real, there's just no other explanation for what I have experienced:

Years ago I was a small child, it was Christmas Eve, and I was so excited for my presents. I was staying up to see if I could find Santa, and I did! I thought I heard rustling out in the living room, and I thought "ERMAGERD IT'S SANTA!!!!".I walked out, and there was a man. He was by a broken window, and I immediately thought of that inspiring song and started singing "SANTA LOOKED IN THE DIRTY WINDOW AND CAME IN AND MADE MY WORLD A BETTER PLACE" and I ran up to him and hugged his filthy ragged and tattered clothes. I looked around him, and he had a bag! It was slung around his back with not one, but two straps with all the gifts. However I looked closer, and there seemed to be nothing in the bag. I asked Santa if I'd been naughty this year, and he said "mmmm yes you have been". I cried and cried because I'd tried my best to be good, but he said he could take me to the north pole and cast a spell to undo my naughtiness. I said "oh please Santa!" and he slung his bag around his shoulder. He told me to get in there so he could carry me to the North Pole without me seeing the way to his house. I told him "OK!" and climbed into the bag. He really took me to the North Pole I think, but the spell isn't done yet. He says I need to wait in line for my turn at the spell, and there is a long line. I've been here a few years, and I think soon I'll finally get my gifts! I have a few friends that have been with me down here for a while. Some have been taken above this room to have the spell cast and get their gifts so I haven't seen them in a while. I really can't complain, sure I'm in a concrete room supposedly underground, it does get a little cold a lot, and the rats do chew on my tattered clothes. But I mean, hey if I get free gifts, who cares!