Jokes

Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.

'Mystery of bullet found in head'

I'm no expert but I think it might have been put there via some sort of gun.

50 Shades of Grey banned by Indonesia. "We cannot condone this depravity," said Muhammad Adul, accompanied by his 9-year-old wife.

BBC News: Tests find 'Cumbrian man killed wife before himself'

Thank God for these 'tests', because otherwise the police would have thought he killed himself first.

BBC news: "Burnt man discovered naked"

"Police are trying to discover why he has no clothes..."

I'm not an expert, but shouldn't the first thing be who set fire to him?

My wife was reading the paper and said, "Tut tut, that's terrible. Another woman in India has been gang-raped and hung."

I replied, "Actually it's 'hanged'. In India, women are hanged. In Thailand, women are hung."

I smacked a Paki on the head with a hammer yesterday at 12:00.

Bang on the dot

A farmer is in his barn one day doing a striptease when his farmhand walks in catching him in the act.

"What ...?" exclaims the farmhand.

"Oh!" replies the farmer, looking quite embarrassed.

"Thing is, my wife and I haven't been getting it on recently so my therapist advised I should do something sexy to a tractor."

My Wife said she wanted Chanel No. 5 for her Birthday.

Took me half an hour to re-tune the TV.

My daughter was running a temperature so I rang the doctor. He asked was she hot.

I said, "Well, with a little make-up..."

My girlfriend said we would have less arguments if I wasn't so pedantic.
I said, "FEWER ARGUMENTS".

BBC News!!! Nobby...

I don't know if anyone else can see this or only I as the the OP on my own profile, but this topic is touching 2.3 Million views.

As they would have said at Woodstock : "CAN YOU DIG IT ??"  But I guess we don't have many members here who even know about Woodstock or have listened to the concert on disc or u tube.

I don't think anyone else's topic has had this many views. Even if you take into account repeat viewers (like myself), I don't think you would end up with 2.3 million without a large persentage of chess.com members checking this thread out. Keep it up, Nobby; you might have a record breaker.

Great to see you back Nobby!

"People who go to Las Vegas, you've got to question their fucking intellect to start with. Traveling hundreds and thousands of miles to essentially give your money to a large corporation is kind of fucking moronic. That's what I'm always getting here is these kind of fucking people with very limited intellects." ― George Carlin

#6596 looks exactly like my cat