Most Useless Chess Advice

Let's see what you got.

Play 1-minute bullet games.

watch jrobi vids

God save the Queen.

Don't think, just play.

move quickly

study only openings

I think the most useless chess advice I have ever heard is "always try to play the best move."

Hurry up, we haven't got all day.

Play f3 followed by g4.

Note that there is a difference between bad and useless.

When in doubt, check it out.

"Give up, already!"  (Actually sent to me by an opponent)

Accept draw when opponent in zugzwang.

Just hold tight till your opponent makes a mistake, it's bound to happen

If you want a completelly useless advice, here it is:

Your very first move should never ever be with a pawn or with a knight.

When in doubt, push a pawn.

...is the one never given.

Put him in check!

make sure the shadow you chase is not the one you cast

when playing in a tourney, always play with the sun in your opponent's eyes