I say play hard. The way to be "kind" is to guard your words after the game.
e.g.
Opponent: "I got slaughtered, eh?"
You: "Sure did".
Instead, something like...
Opponent: "I got slaughtered, eh?"
You: "Hey, I just got demolished by a stronger opponent too. Just part of learning."
I say play hard. The way to be "kind" is to guard your words after the game.
e.g.
Opponent: "I got slaughtered, eh?"
You: "Sure did".
Instead, something like...
Opponent: "I got slaughtered, eh?"
You: "Hey, I just got demolished by a stronger opponent too. Just part of learning."
:) hey..it's called getting tough over the board. If someone says.. i slaughtered you.. I'd say..you dirty piec of crap.. yes you did! lol
NO.. i wouldn't really say that..I'd say "yes,you sure did you cheating .."
No..okay what I'd really say is.. "you played great!"
It's all about communication over the board..some are quiet, sincere, joking, funny, and sometimes down right serious and cries after a loss".
We have no idea who is sitting across from us when playing (unless buddies), unless we break the ice with a line such as "I got slaughtered, eh", which is being lighthearted, realistic and most likely wanting the same sort of comment back".
Those are my 2 cents worth. I"ve heard all sorts of comments back, but it's usually the third comment between the two that sets the mood, dont you think? :)
Regards good buddies and fellow chess players!! :)
Thanks, motherinlaw. Keeping in mind that different players have different goals, I believe that good manners, mutual respect, and good sportsmanship are always appropriate no matter how competitive one's personality.
otb on a club evening I don't care how people play - you can let everybody win. you can even stop him if he makes a bad move and say to him take a minute to think about why this move isn't good - instead of just overlooking it.
often they will get those AHA moments they learn from.
Although I personally think one ought to not be discouraged simply by losing (perhaps it should even motivate them to not do as bad next time), this is only an ideal. If a certain person playing more chess really does depend on if he loses (or how bad he loses), then maybe for his needs going easy on him might be the right thing.
I say play hard. The way to be "kind" is to guard your words after the game.
e.g.
Opponent: "I got slaughtered, eh?"
You: "Sure did".
Instead, something like...
Opponent: "I got slaughtered, eh?"
You: "Hey, I just got demolished by a stronger opponent too. Just part of learning."
+1.
I say play hard. The way to be "kind" is to guard your words after the game.
e.g.
Opponent: "I got slaughtered, eh?"
You: "Sure did".
Instead, something like...
Opponent: "I got slaughtered, eh?"
You: "Hey, I just got demolished by a stronger opponent too. Just part of learning."
+1.
Right. Speak nicely. Sharp words hurts.
Of every one of the millions of games I've lost, I only did so because I was giving my opponent a chance to beat me. 
I've always been pretty bad at chess, but I do love the game, especially when the games get really complicated and bizarre. I like to mull over them and try to understand what the hell is going on. Do you really have to play just to try and win all the time?
I think the take back a move option is good when you're playing someone who's just starting out.
Of every one of the millions of games I've lost, I only did so because I was giving my opponent a chance to beat me.
On the other hand, I lost mine because I lacked sleep / did not pay attention / was disturbed by the other guy coughing at the next table / the moon and Uranus were aligned / ... 
This was more about whether or not you take the third free piece on move 16.
oh come on..its not like we are going to be an IM or GM.. :)
Wow! I'm hearing way more women's voices here than usual -- I like that!
(Women are so "civilizing," aren't they?) (Myself excepted: I always like to think of myself as "a loose cannon." ... tee-hee ...
)
Hi,
I feel sort of bad when I play someone rated much lower than me, especially the elderly generation..
I'm new to club play and OTB in general so perhaps thats why, but do you guys ever take it easy on someone? Like overlook the hanging rook on a8 etc?
Yeah, when I first started to playing OTB, I also felt bad when playing true beginners. I once allowed a takeback because the kiddo started to cry after dropping a piece. He came back for the draw. After some time playing, I began ot realize we make the most progress when evaluating our loses and watching others play well. It seems to be in the best interest of others to play your best.
This was more about whether or not you take the third free piece on move 16.
GM Roman said it in one of his videos called "no exceptions" chess players are like little chrilden. if you don't punish them for a mistake they will do it again, not because they are stupid, but because they think it was a good/ok move or think they can get a way with second best moves or worse.
I recommend everyone seeing that video.
I am teaching my grandchildren to play. I try to lead them into situations that, according to where I see their ability, they can find and make a good move. I believe it would be pointless for me to sit and crush them in ten moves, rather I guide them on in the fundamentals by letting them see how simple tactics work, and what basic checkmates look like. If this means ignoring hanging pieces for the time being, that is ok.
Play to the level that makes you comfortable. If you enjoy a game more by ignoring some blatant errors, go for the enjoyment. It's like golf, don't count strokes, count pleasure points.
why does everybody assume you cannot have pleasure if you are pushing hard. I am running - the harder - the more fun I have.
I am teaching my grandchildren to play. I try to lead them into situations that, according to where I see their ability, they can find and make a good move. I believe it would be pointless for me to sit and crush them in ten moves, rather I guide them on in the fundamentals by letting them see how simple tactics work, and what basic checkmates look like. If this means ignoring hanging pieces for the time being, that is ok.
Play to the level that makes you comfortable. If you enjoy a game more by ignoring some blatant errors, go for the enjoyment. It's like golf, don't count strokes, count pleasure points.
So true! I started teaching my gdaughter at age 6..I told her that I'd give her to the age of 9 before I stopped letting her take back or win. First two years were just teaching. (needless to say..I didnt exactly keep to plan). I now take more of her pieces, but she is also increasing her vision of what is ahead. I have beat her in a few games now..but for the most part, we stop before we even get close to the end. ;)
What I enjoy the most is that she wants to play and enjoys it! That's a win, no matter what!! :)
owltuna, in a lot of ways that seems like its own method of a chess lesson. You set up a situation where they have to find a key plan or move. Sure, you can have some fun with it -- play lots of pawn moves in the opening, don't develop, so that they can learn how to take advantage of someone who ignores the principles.
I know some people who barely grasp the rules. I will sometimes make a move that I know loses an exchange, or maybe even drops a piece. Usually I try to make it look as threatening as possible. Provoking a devastating en passant capture can be good. Then I'll explain what happened, depending on what they do.
Love the golf analogy, owltuna! -- "don't count strokes, count pleasure points." -- 
!
Seems like a lot of people are saying "This is what makes the game enjoyable for me," implying "different strokes for different folks" -- (not golf "strokes" in this sentence, of course!), which sure makes sense.
Teaching and mentoring seem to me way different from deliberately giving one adult opponent an easier game than you might give another opponent. That seems to violate the "contract" both players agreed to when the game began, and it risks insulting the less skilled player.
Im not à very good chessplayer, but i play every game as good as i can. A few months ago i was so happy that
i had won against a 1540 rated player, that i losed the next game against à 1098 rated player. Since that im
sharper. Conclusion:be always sharp. Against à good player you can win much points and against à weaker player you can lose much points, i think we all hate it more when we lose against à weaker player, so thats the reason i dont play less good against weaker players.