Positional Chess

Hyello. I come to chyess.com to learn. I not speak very Englysh good.  Noob like me. They tell me "learn positional chess". I trying. No such luck. What are best positions for chess?  I scouring Internets to find comfortable position for play chess in so I win. I really confused. Some of them hurt me. Very hard to keep on. What I doing wrong?

Upavistha Konasana (I've gone for the more common transliteration)  is better if the body is further forward - closer to the ground. I find it really puts off my opponents. The key is to make sure it's your opponent doing the position and not you.

@Chyss - So you know that one position. You can't win every game with just one position. Seems like there are just too many complicated positions and tactics for a guy like me to remember.

Sometimes I add jazz hands.

How come every position is a man and then Upavista Konasana is a woman?

o_O

Here's a few more: 

Bogus. Hate sexism. Chess is just as much a woman's game as it is a man's.  Men certainly don't have a monopoly on positions.

Chess is all about attacking, no matter what. At least here at chess.com