Regarding your first query, there are two circumstances in which choosing your color is permitted: a) when you directly challenge a specific other player by name (not clicking a green circle), and b) if you are willing to play unrated games. In all other circumstances, the server decides the color. It will randomly assign colors so that they even out (50% White / 50% Black) over perhaps 20 or so games. It may randomly assign as many as 5 Whites or 5 Blacks in a row ... but will even them out in the long run.
Not sure I understand the other issues.
in live chess, how can I set the settings so that I am white? also, it automatically issues a challenge from me as soon as I click "play live"--so that after about one second, someone starts to play against me. I don't even have the option of seeing what challenges might have been offered to me. in the FAQ, it mentions something about a "challenges" tab that I can click on. but I can't find that anywhere on my screen. thanks!