I've never done extensive study of any of the known openings. I have no clue what the names are of the openings I play, I just know that they work in blitz. The problem is I don't have a Federation rating to help you out in your comparisons, but I'd say I'd probably be around 2500 FIDE in real life give or take. Of course don't write that down for your study because I'm just estimating. It would probably be higher actually.
You know, chess.com gives free premium memberships to piddling patzer NMs! Not even FIDE masters mind you, but lousy USCF masters. Those are guys a player like you can grind into paste. Since you're in New York why don't you arrange to pop down to Chess.com (which is in NY), show the fellows there your skill and get comp'd on chess.com for life! You don't have to play an engine, you could play some of the weak-ass masters they have on staff. I'm sure they're all eager to play an auto-didact genius like yourself.
Hell man, screw that! What am I talking about!? An unrated GM holy crap you're golden! We'll get you a membership at the Marshall CC in NYC. You sand bag a few games to get an official rating of like 1201, and then we'll just work our way up winning club prizes and section prizes until we get to your true rating. It'll take a while but we'll get paid every step of the way. We don't have to work for the next year or two... and then with the appearance fees and endorsements etc. hell kid, we're gonna get paid, I saw we, because I'm your manager.
But before we start, I'm wondering if your pants being on fire is what started the Wildfire Mayhem?
On a serious note ... my response dignifies your blather far more than it deserves.
Chess.com is in New York, really?
Most of the above comment came off a bit creepy and overwrought, especially the managerial part. I get that you were attempting to be funny and sarcastic though, and you obviously put a large amount of effort into it, so I applaud you. Your humor comes across like that of an overzealous old man. A bit corny. You seem like a person who would get a lot of "laughs" at his jokes in real life, but they wouldn't be sincere. Those types of situations would probably just be more uncomfortable than anything else for the people around you.
So anyway, have you let it all out? Do you feel more secure about yourself and your chess now? Should I be expecting more overdramatic posts from you in the future? Let me know, I can't wait. That was fantastic.

Ok, I'll say you can claim to have this rating, but you shouldn't expect anyone to believe you.