The "Pretend You're a Grandmaster" Thread

I'm watching you!!

When Magnus sat down across the board from me, he just looked in my eyes...and resigned.

"I don't know why people think Houdini is so great. It has the positional game of a 9 year old!!'

"Have you ever beaten it?"

"Well....no...."

I was playing a game in a recent tourny, we were at move 70 and my GM fellow opponent (playing White) looks at me and offers a draw.  I felt such relieve, I noticed him opening big eyes probably due to a smile on my face.  The poor guy did not know that in 20 moves his position is dead lost.  Sweet.

I won my first GM norm in the womb by beating myself in blindfold

we should stop playing e4 because i calculated that if both players play perfectly(like me), it will be a draw on move 256. Kb2

c4 too...... 591.Kc4

qiusi wrote:

we should stop playing d4 because i calculated that if both players play perfectly(like me), it will be a draw on move 256. Kb2

I saw after 32. Rxf7+ in the last round of the 2013 Candidates Tournament, there was a mate in 28!

Seriously, I didn't, but Houdini did!

I've jam-packed my latest book for beginners with lots of symbols and complicated variations. No diagrams though. Diagrams are for the weak!

i don't need to pretend i'm a grandmaster actually am

Conflagration_Planet wrote:

I was born with a GM norm.

Only one! Hahaha i was born with the GM title.

Edit: who Care about GM norms? I have Challenged Nigel short in correspondance. I hope he Will play 3... a6 in Rudy Lopez. See ViktorHNielsen refusion.

lol

¨Why does black players play 3.. a6 in the ruy? It's obvious that 18. Ne3 gives white clear advantage, since black doesn't got the 34.. Rd5, since white can easily play 94. Kh3!! with a book win. Even my 3-years old super-talent boy knows that this position where white is up a pawn in a 2-knights endgame is easily winnable, since black weakened his kingside with h6 and g6 in move 16.

Obviously, 3.. Nf6 is strongest, and that is really why I started to play the scotch. I don't have 50 years again to refute 3.. Nf6 as I refuted 3.. a6. I knew a6 was losing. However, the problem with the scotch is that in the neo-mieses variation, black can equalise with 45.. Rd3! If he couldn't, white would have a forced win. Maybe I will take up checkers, since it's much more interesting. Chess is simply played out.¨

GM norms?  please . . . done with those and I am now working on my ChuckNorrisMaster norms.

True, I am a Grandmaster. But I am sure if you Little People work hard, and apply yourselves, you can maybe achieve.....class C?

*yawn*

I'm a wierd person.

Playing blindfold was never a problem until Magnus came, and I Fool's Mated him.

I have no friends outside of chess and haven't been touched by a woman since my mommy stopped changing my diapers.  Her basement is nice though, and all of you people think I'm a serious badass, so all is well.  Now...back to researching the refutation of the Queen's Gambit Declined Slav Variation.  My intuition tells me it is BUSTED...