This site is a joke!!

Nice to see everyone full of the Christmas cheer. Thanks all, you seem like a really helpful bunch...
Your connection is not good enough to play Live Chess here. That conclusion is inescapable, so we work with what we have.
You cannot fashion a silk purse from a sow's ear.
Merry Christmas!

If no-one from chess.com is replying to your queries...
Hey, I say that we are! (we after all have a responsibility to live up to the thread's title).

Offshore? What you live on a tiny island or something? Even if you live on a deserted island its no excuse.
Oh! I see! You live in England! Ok, you are excused.
Scotland actually...jeez, you Canadians and your geography
Canada? But I've never even BEEN to South America.
Good idea, playing three games a night sounds great fun. In fact why bother with the internet at all, maybe I should just go back to writing down my moves and sending them by royal mail to people!!
that's a good idea !