Title your chess book!

If you could author a chess book, what title would you give? 

I am bored basically.

1. Checkmate homey!

2. So you think you will be a GM one day: Willy Wonka Teaches Chess (Fifth Edition)

3. A History of Chess in Six Pieces

4. c4

5. Complete Russian Encylcopedia of All Chess Games Ever Conceived (Vol 1- ?)

6. A Complete Beginner's Guide to Zugszwang 

7. 1000 Stalemates

8. Pawnography

9. Playing chess mentally while biking cross country across US for dummies I

10. Playing chess mentally while canoeing across Amazon for dummies I

11. The man who always played black...and won

12. Can Mikhail Tal beat Mikhail Tail?

13. How to beat anyone, anywhere, anytime in 24 hours

14. Unknown bishop sacrifices of Elton John

14.1. Famous chess games on battlefield

15. Lost chess games of ancient India

16. A semiotic argument on why Chesapeake Bay should be renamed Chesspeake Bay (published by Columbia University)

17. An existential dialogue over a chess game (fiction) - I actually kinda like it, copyrighted

18. I know what move you played last summer

19. The man who always played black...and lost

20. Is covfefe a valid tactic?

21. My popup chess book

1.a4 e5 2.h4! Winning With The Ware: Crab Variation (Published by Foolsandtheirmoney Chess).

My Games: A Display of Futility

Others may criticize it, but I think "I am bored basically" is a wonderful title.

I'll give it a go:  "Aaaand I lost."

Woe and piece - by Liar Tallstory

Bb2 or not Bb2, get bent with Larsen - by Sheik Subeer

Note that a pen name is just as important as the title.

By Erroneous Spelling

See?