What do you say when people ask how good at chess you are ?

Show me the money

Kindergarten 

najgrunfeld: i'm better than magnus when he was my age, chum.  got it buddy?

najgrunfeld:Buddy, you know who I am? I'm the greatest prodigy since Fischer!

random person:Who's Fischer?

najgrunfeld:....... the greatest chess prodigy before me.

you need to have a 'chum' in there somewhere.

I always say I can beat Carlsen and Komodo engine blindfolded

did you learn to play chess in kindergarten?

you must be a brilliant person

i have never played carlsen while he was blindfolded

nor have a i have played computer while it was blindfolded.

i did put a cloth over the monitor but the computer was still able to beat me because computers don't have eyes

At one time, I would try to give an idea about the meaning of a rating by saying that 1000 is ~a beginner, 2000 is ~a radio shack chess computer; and 2700 is close to world champion. Pretty much none of that makes sense any more. Another approach is to estimate the number of players who are better and the number who are worse at the local chess club. Of course, a lot depends on who shows up.

  Well i am in the 1400s and i usually say i am good but not great. I once had a job where i played other employees at lunch time. It took over 30 games before i lost one. I say this not because i am that great but just to point out that the average player here is usually much better than the people who play chess but not in clubs or online.

Good at Chess? Define good.

After explaining a little about Swiss pairings, one could describe one's usual sort of opponent in the first round at a local tournament. A weaker player? A stronger player?

Of course I'm a super brilliant chess person with a rating that attest to that.. 

Lol,.. Seriously I wish I learnt chess at that early stage...  What I meant there is If I was in a chess school.. I'd be in kindergarten = novice

I'm honest and just say, "I'm learningthemoves" (all one word with no pause for a breath). Actually, I don't think anyone has ever asked me that yet. Not sure why it doesn't come up more often. If I  mention Chess, they just try to change the subject as quickly as possible and I steer the conversation right back to it to make the whole thing as awkward as possible.

I say that I taught Nimzo the Nimzo and they're absolutely flabbergasted.

Nobody has asked me that once in my life. I don't meet chess players. People around me are dumb and boring.

i think that iam not experience in this game

I compare it to baseball and say I'm a part-time player on a minor league team.