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OTB losses : I send to flying each pieces, with the back of my hand ! And within a second I seize the board and hit my opponent's head with it. Then I rise on the table shouting : "where is your checkmate now" ?
And for some reason, I wonder why I am not able to get in local tournaments ? :p
Chess.com losses : Raising my hand to the sky, asking : Oh dear god why ? Then I hear the lightning striking down the earth ! Laptop shutdown as a result, no need to worry about future losses. Need a new laptop...
As for the real thinking : damn, that same mistake again... And ready for next game.