White. Because otherwise I'm adopted.
Who would you prefer to be? Black or White?

White. Because otherwise I'm adopted.
Why is that such a bad thing?
Bad joke, I guess.

clear win for black this some beginners bullcrap he just thought maybe somebody won't realize the board is flipped.
What do you mean with flipped? There's nothing wrong with the board, only it's black's perspective. It's not a joke at all!

In the words of the late Michael Jackson - "It don't matter if you're
black or white" - just as long as I win ...

I once won an endgame with 5 pawns vs a queen. Yes, it was because my opponent blundered, but at my level it's only natural to make blunders. In the position the OP just posted I would choose white. Maybe with best play it's a black win, but assuming that both sides will make mistakes, A mistake for black would likely result in a pwn promotion, which is much worse than a mistake for white, which will probably just result in the loss of a pawn.
who would you prefer to be and who would most likely win this game?
note: It's black's turn.