Why am I such a loser?

I was born a loser. 

A imbecile a moron. 

Im not a loser because I don't know how to play chess.

I'm a loser coz I know every trick in the book probably more technique than most masters today.

Certainly I know more than pragnanda but unlike him I am a loser.

I can't apply the technique because my moronic IQ can't grasp it. 

That's it I'm awarding myself my dunce cap

And as you read this I hope you boo and jeer

Go on all together now

Hail hail the biggest loser 

He can't even spell his name right 

His name is actually dunce mcStupid

But he spells it like this 

Gdfghsfd (that's my username)

When I was born my dad tried to strangle me but I was too stupid to allow him. 

I actually resisted and that spelt the beginning of a long loser like life

A life of failure at everything

Chess is like going to the gym : you leave the ego out the door, and you start with the basics. Eventually, after enough practice, you will gain a significant amount of strength. Losses hurt if you don't learn anything. Pick yourself up, and try something different.

In fact let's compare me with somebody who isn't a failure. 

GM PragnAnandha 

When GM PragnAnandha was born his dad gifted him a name with the word Anand in it 

When I was born my parents named me Dunce McDinkus

That's the difference between me and GM Pragnanandha

The problem is I already know all the chess theory. Been playing chess since 2003, me. 

But did I learn anything? All that knowledge was water off a ducks back to my silly head. I was taught but my teachers despaired of me finally abandoning me to my mire of imbecility. 

Here's a famous Me joke

Me, a Dumbo and a Moron walks into a bar. 

The Dumbo says derp

The moron says gah 

I'm so dumb I ask for the Archie comics section like it's a library and not a bar 

I once played chess with a blond girl

Guess who won?

Yep the blonde girl won. 

And she was blindfold and believed she was playing checkers 

And she had just won Miss Blonde Kentucky

How much is two plus two you ask me?

Well I'll tell you it's five

I'm convinced it's five and nothing you say will change that 

Yep that's me 

Also guess who's the only person on earth who believes the capital of USA is Capitol Hill?

That's right you guessed right again, me. 

Yeah? When I was born, the doctor slapped my MOTHER.

well that makes seven billion of us