Nice one AndrewB!
Congratulations indeed. Short and sweet.
I suggest "Nigel's mate".
Here's one of the shortest mates that can happen in actual games.
(I like to play the Italian Opening, so I've actually done this 3 times before in real games.)
There's a two move checkmate which calls the Fool's mate.
1.f3 d6 2.g4 Qh4#
Before answering a post like this, I recommend
1. reading at least some of the previous posts which might have indicated that this is not the solution to the riddle.
2. Even when giving a wrong solution, it is preferable to at least offer a legal notation.
Sorry for trolling you.
It's stupid though, in fools mate the queen moves 5 squares, yet the calculation is the root of 32.
It's a half arsed pun attempt with no real relation to the moves being played on the board.
The route isn't the number of squares the queen can go to, it's the number of squares the queen does travel.
Two words: Pythagorean Theorem.
dum de dum dumb