Anger Management for Chess.com Members

I think these people should get out more. A bit of fresh air and exercise would do them the world of good.

How can we explain self-denial?  I've heard that some individuals in court accused of heinous crimes can't, or won't accept their guilt, despite proof and overwhelming evidence that condemns them.  fb is now saying racism is a bad thing, which is a complete turnaround from his previous attitude which appeared to delight in hateful terminology for minority groups. He filled the pages with derogatory comments and pictures of black and middle eastern people.

Yucky on the other hand, can't seem to accept what she wrote in attacking me for complaining about racist comments on these forums.  Is this a form of self-denial or an inability to understand the use of vocabulary? 

I'm at a loss to understand the logic or mindset of these two individuals who manically insulted everyone they'd had a disagreement with on a thread devoted to such a purpose.  Ironically, and they don't seem to realise the title, called Obnoxious', said more about the authors than the intended victims. Please advise.

Good point Kay. However, some people may have been 'put off' and hurt by their insults, especially if they happen to be of a different skin colour.  It's why, and I'm assuming Nikprit, stood up to their bullying tactics.  I don't like bullies.

Firstplay - if you notice on a collective level, say a country goes to war for example. The other side is the evil one, never your side. They both do the most horrendous inhuman acts in order to survive. 

Similarily on an individual level, people will project out onto the other person. 

'You are angry, you are this or that etc' While never owning their own material. 

It is you who has the anger, the fault, one negative or another. 

Repression, denial & splitting are very common. 

People do not claim their dark, it is always the other guy, country. 

Carl Jung once said 'If you want enlightenment, do not seek the light, but claim/own your dark' (I just paraphrased that-so it is not a perfect quote, but close enough)

A lot of people are unable to do that. They simply do not recognise it, unaware of it, have not owned it. Split off portions of the psyche, parts we like to deny or acknowledge that they exist at all. 

A lot of that gets projected outwards. 

A voice in someone's head says 'It cannot be me, I don't have much anger' (for eg). So they trip over time and time again. Often highly unaware of what they are actually putting out in the first place. 

If we can own our dark more - we inevitably see more. We know we can be angry, we know when we are angry. 

This is a different world view, than not knowing or being unaware that we are angry in the first place. 

It happens so quickly, built up patterns over decades, it is almost automated. Automated behaviour that is unaware. 

So unawareness acts out of its own ignorance.

If challenged what can it be aware of?

Not sure this has answered your question properly but it is a very good question.

Ignorance = unawareness.

We are all partially aware. And this has nothing to do with IQ levels, you can have an IQ of 150 & still be relatively unaware of your own consciousness.

Some people have a high IQ but a low EQ (emotional), kinda smart with facts and figures but dumb as a council brick socially/emotionally. 

Yes, that's obviously a very important dynamic but how does it explain folk who mercilessly bully other folk? This even happened to me when I first joined this forum. Some joker (a jesus freak as it happens) was moralising about sexuality on a hideous Hitler thread and I challenged him over it - he immediately launched into a disgusting tirade of homophobic abuse which stretched over four pages. I then had a virtual stalker on my case - smashing, the bloody saddo followed me everywhere like a bad smell (he popped up on the "Ghostliner" thread Nik, remember that one?).

I was a bit shocked and I don't shock easily; that Hitler boat was sunk ages ago so you can't look at it unfortunately, you'll just have to take my word for it, it was pretty bad. Incidentally, that's where the "Ghosty is gay" metric originated. That's also quite interesting - this particular individual has long since disappeared off the forum but the innuendo has persisted (ask Jub Jub)... Honestly, you couldn't make it up.

Great gif in #101 by the way - it requires some effort to draw your eyes away from it!

Or avoid? A lot of people do exactly that - they post a lot on the fun threads but studiously avoid anything that's even vaguely controversial or 'heated'.

@Post 113 - some of what you say there Ghosty goes back to the 112 post I just put on. 

If using your example above, someone projects onto you that you are gay. They might be unaware that they themselves have sexual desires of that nature. But it rises in their consciousness & gets externalised, or projected onto another. They cannot own it themselves, because of repression, denial or split off parts. But the 'idea' or 'seed' is there, it leaks through to the thought stream.

Below in the diagram it would be represented by unacceptable sexual desire. Freud said that the unconcious part is as much as 90% of our consciousness. (No, I am not a Freudian per se)  

So in a nutshell, people who taunt, abuse and attempt to bully others have probably had a bad time in their lives, probably when young.  It's the same conclusion (if I'm correct) that I've come to about racists as they all seem a bit odd, filled with hate and irrational thoughts. fb fits the bill nicely, though he says he's changed into a normal human being.  He seems pleased that you're going Nickprit; I can't think why......

Macky/jub jub seemed very confident at first.  Filling the pages with racist and homophobic stuff and threatening to put Ghosty in A+E, with Yucky cheering on from the sidelines, as we'd expect.  Jub jub was very confident in making inflamatory statements designed to get a reaction but went quiet when he got reasoned answers instead, so quiet in fact that he refused to debate the very issues that he'd raised. 

Is this strange behavior or just a person realising that he'd maybe got something wrong and not being capable of admitting it?  Bear in mind that he then blocked people from making further comment, despite the genuine effort to maintain civil dialogue, and opened up a new thread specifically with the intention of furthering bullying and insulting others on this site. 

Bear in mind that (in my view) that a person can't be insulted by someone they have zero respect for; it's impossible.  The language used on the 'Obnoxious thread' reminded me of my school playground days when I was about 14. The trio of main contributors to that thread confirming what many of us already thought.  Does this mean anything other than the individuals concerned have the emotional intelligence of a brick closet? Or is there a more deep rooted problem?

7 hours ago · #275

FRENCHBASHER

Some people just cannot let go.  Pride comes to mind. Selfishness.  Ignorance.  PSI. Some cannot be humble enough to admit.  Selfless enough to see a different angle.  Not versed enough to refrain from ignorance.   

The one who is full of pride is too selfish to gain knowledge, which will in turn create ignorance.   Think about that. 

Also, I am not speaking about any-one on here.  Of course it may relate to some in here, What I am speaking about is the ones out there.  Outside these forum halls. In the real world.  The ones who we interact with on a daily basis face to face.   Ourselves.  None of us are exempt. I am not exempt.  My life has truly revealed this. 

We need more humility.  I truly believe some are afraid of it. Afraid to be wrong.  Afraid to understand.    

Fear is another avenue to anger. 

I don't know.  I could be wrong. 

post 118, classic case of not seeing the issues in oneself.

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/general/do-you-feel-like-punching-your-opponent-after-losing-a-match

why doesn't this site manage disagreeable content ?

@Cake

whats so bad about that the "punching" thread?

Now this is very interesting!

itchy-mescratchy, iluvzmetuna, ilulzmetuna; who-ate-all-the-fish; where-are-all-the-fish; boogie-something-or-other; give-peace-a-chance; give-peas-a-chance; CakePlissken... and probably countless others that I didn't even notice.

How many different faces have you had on this site? What's the average lifespan for one of your faces? Two days? Three?

Just got in. Wow that Euro thread kicked off then?

Sounds like group therapy there for at least 3 people. Ah, leave them reveal themselves a little more. Have stirred the pot, all that poison needs to come out of them somewhere I suppose!!! 

Kind of like a gangerous arm, you got to cut it off to try & save the whole body. Lot of screaming and shouting goes on, they call you everything under the sun, I would imagine. 

And you are only trying to help them.

Make aware what is unaware, in those 3 cases.

Cakeplissken - you have been banned from here.

Good catch Ghosty, I would agree multiple 'rebirths' from someone will continue. The cat is out of the bag

Firstplay will try to answer your post shortly. 

I thought you were insinuating that he was Basher??

Do I have it wrong?