Dude
CFABD 1: The Billion-Dollar Banner Bash
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This should take two hour
Those who reading this he is still 10 yrs old
15 days ago
0
#5
kunpro123456789 wrote:
Those who reading this he is still 10 yrs old
pinocchio ahh comment 💔
15 days ago
0
#7
Amazing! I managed to read it and I must say that it was creative. (Don't expect me to respond with a mile-long comment)
15 days ago
0
#8
kunpro123456789 wrote:
Those who reading this he is still 10 yrs old
Absolute logic...
15 days ago
0
#9
PeacefulDC wrote:
Amazing! I managed to read it and I must say that it was creative. (Don't expect me to respond with a mile-long comment)
thank you
Cold open
The beginning
Knife: *walks toward Bottle* Haha! I am Knife, I can chop anything I want!
Bottle: *shivers* Please don’t hurt me!
Tank: *drives toward Bottle and Knife* If you dare hurt Bottle, I will run you over to metal smithereens!
Knife: *steps back* Okay.
Tank: *drives away* Good.
Knife: Haha! It’s my chance! *chops Bottle*
Bottle: Aah! *dies*
The Recovery Center and argument
Bottle recovers in his Bottle Recovery Center.
Bottle: Tank! Knife chopped me alive!
Tank: Let me deal with it. *drives toward Knife, who is acting as innocent as possible* Knife!
Knife: Yes?
Tank: Did you kill Bottle?
Knife: Of course not! Why would I do that?
Tank: Are you sure?
Knife: Yes, I’m not lying!
Tank: Then explain why Bottle said you chopped him!
Knife: He was framing me!
Extra intervention
Crown: *hears the argument* Hey, pieces of trash!
Knife: Excuse me?!
Crown: Why are you arguing over the teeniest, tiniest things when you have skill issue?
Rice Bowl: *walks toward Knife, Tank and Crown* Sigh, you guys really need to learn how to behave.
Crown: Shut up! Nobody asked you to intervene!
Rice Bowl: What’s wrong with your manners today?
Crown: I just enjoy being mean, nothing wrong with that!
Rice Bowl: I’m leaving this argument for some ‘me’ time. These kids need to learn how to behave…
Crown: Finally, that prick left.
Enjoying life
Paper: Rice Bowl, you look depressed! What’s the matter?
Rice Bowl: Well, I had to deal with an argument.
Paper: So what was the argument about?
Rice Bowl: I don’t know much about it, but Crown, Knife and Tank were involved, and I heard something about Bottle getting killed.
Paper: Oh, that’s bad! There’s a life out there to enjoy, so enjoy it before you end up like Bottle!
Rice Bowl: Hey, Peach!
Peach: Rice Bowl! Am I the most beautiful girl in the world?
Rice Bowl: *sighs* Not really.
Peach: What did you say?! *kicks Rice Bowl*
Rice Bowl fell on Boulder, flipping his body so that he doesn’t lose any grains.
Understanding Boulder
Boulder: Boul! (Bowl!)
Rice Bowl: Excuse me, what?
Boulder: Boul. (Bowl.)
Rice Bowl: Do you have Alzheimer’s or what?
Boulder: Wut Ulzuhmurz? (What Alzheimer’s?)
Rice Bowl: Boulder, can you speak normally please?
Boulder: Yew, uhm speakuhn ormaly. (Yes, I’m speaking normally.)
Rice Bowl: Sigh… *walks up to Lantern* Lantern!
Lantern: Yeah?
Rice Bowl: Can you help me understand what Boulder’s saying?
Boulder: Wuy cund he uderzuh me? (Why can’t he understand me?)
Lantern: I have no clue either.
Fan: Hey, Rice Bowl! It takes time, so be patient! *walks away and slips on Banana*
Banana: Haha! Got you!
Fan: It’s not funny, kid.
Crown: *walks up to Fan* None of you are funny! Get good, dum-dums!
Fan’s dilemma
Oil Barrel: *fakes crying*
Fan: *walks up to Oil Barrel* Oil Barrel! You look depressed! What’s the matter?
Oil Barrel: It’s none of your business, Fan! *kicks Fan*
Fan lands near Cactus, who is crying because he doesn’t have friends.
Cactus: *cries* Why does nobody want to be my friend?
Fan: That’s because I can’t.
Cactus: Do you hate me?
Fan: No.
Cactus: Then why can’t you be friends with me?
Fan: That’s because you’ll prickle me if I hug you.
The feud
Hammer: Ice Cream Cone! Stop moaning!
Ice Cream Cone: Then you stop beating me up!
Hammer: I don’t care! I can do whatever I want!
Ketchup: Beanie, why is Hammer assaulting Ice Cream Cone? She’s just a child!
Beanie: Well, I don’t care! It’s not my problem!
Ketchup: Seriously, this is a child being assaulted!
Beanie: I don’t care. What do I do about that?
Pawn: Sigh, Hammer has some P. Diddy affairs. No wonder he’s assaulting Ice Cream Cone.
Wallet: As a girl myself, I feel annoyed. TANK!
Hammer stops assaulting Ice Cream Cone.
Tank: *drives to Wallet* What?
Wallet: There’s a child being assaulted!
Hammer: That’s because she’s weak! She deserves that!
Tank: Hammer, are you serious right now?
Hammer: Yes. I’m sorry for what I did.
Tank: Punishment time! *runs over Hammer*
Hammer: A-
Hammer recovers in the Hammer Recovery Center.
Hammer: Now I will hammer YOU!
Tank: Don’t even think about that.
Brainy descends from the sky.
The introduction of the show
Brainy: Greetings, fellow contestants. *teleports every contestant to the same place*
Bottle: Contest? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- *gets killed and recovered by Brainy*
Brainy: Quit squirming, Bottle. Furthermore, the contest’s prize is one billion US dollars.
Knife: Give me that billion dollars NOW, or I chop you alive!
Peach: Give the most beautiful girl in the multiverse that billion dollars NOW!
Hammer: Give me that billion dollars, or you’ll end up like Ice Cream Cone!
Crown: Give me that billion dollars for my castle. Right. Now!
Brainy: Negative. As I said before, you have to compete in a contest for that billion dollars.
Knife: No!
Brainy: Firstly, you are required to make two teams of ten. Furthermore, once each team has achieved optimal numerical composition, you are immediately required to engage in an internal democratic process to elect a singular team leader and two team co-leaders, with all members casting a vote for any fellow teammate other than themselves. Failure to form balanced teams, or to elect a leader, will result in a random assignment, which, statistically, often yields suboptimal group cohesion.
Team split
Knife: Listen up, weaklings, if you’re useless or disloyal to the boss king, you’re disposed from my team! Hammer, you’re in. Let’s assault everyone together! (Team 1: 2/10)
Peach: Oh, dear. For God’s sake do not trust this Knife guy. I’m the boss queen, and everyone who understands true beauty and grace shall join my team! Crown, you’re in! (Team 2: 2/10)
Crown: I’m leaving this team. I’m not joining anyone unless they can prove that they can help me win the billion dollars! Bye bye, Peach! (Team 2: 1/10)
Bottle: I’m sorry, but can I join your team, Peach? I need protection against Knife! (Team 2: 2/10)
Tank: If Bottle’s in then I’m in too! (Team 2: 3/10)
Brainy: *facepalms* Sigh, the process of teammaking has just begun, and my fellow contestants are already fighting!
Knife: Keep yapping in Alien, nobody will understand you!
Rice Bowl: Bottle and Tank, you guys are with me! Screw you, Peach. (Team 2: 3/10)
Ice Cream Cone: Tank! I need protection against Hammer. Can I join? (Team 2: 4/10)
Peach: Why does no one join the most beautiful girl?
Brainy: Sigh, the contestants are getting more abusive by the minute…
Cactus: Please, somebody let me join!
Banana: For no reason, I’m gonna join Knife! (Team 1: 3/10)
Paper: According to my calculations, Rice Bowl’s team sounds like the better option. (Team 2: 5/10)
Lantern: Hey, we’re both masterminds! But I’m gonna join Knife’s team instead. (Team 1: 4/10)
Boulder: Wuj tuhm shud uh juhn? (Which team should I join?)
Peach: Seriously? Why does no one like me? I’m joining the offensive side though. (Team 1: 5/10)
Knife: No!
Peach: I can help you!
Knife: No!
Peach: I’ll help you bully Crown and Rice Bowl!
Knife: Alright. Crown! I want you on our team.
Crown: No! I hate everyone equally!
Peach: I refused but accepted to join Knife, Crown! Just join us!
Crown: Never!
Knife: If we win, we swear we’ll give $900 million to you!
Crown: Yeah, yeah. I’m joining. (Team 1: 6/10)
Pawn: I’m determined to win! Can I join Knife, Peach and Crown? (Team 1: 7/10)
Brainy: Expedite the teammaking or I will arrange the teams myself.
Knife & Rice Bowl: Your Majesty, just make the teams yourself.
Brainy: Alright. Knife, Crown, Hammer, Lantern, Pawn, Peach, Taco, Oil Barrel, Banana, and Fan, you are a team. Paper, Rice Bowl, Wallet, Tank, Bottle, Ice Cream Cone, Boulder, Cactus, Beanie and Ketchup, you are another team. Now, we should choose the team name and initiate the democratic process to elect the leaders.
Knife: First, what shall our team name be?
Peach: I love wolves! Maybe Howling Wolves?
Lantern: Yeah, that name sounds cool.
Knife: Brainy, our team name is the Howling Wolves.
Brainy: Noted. What about you, Rice Bowl’s team?
Rice Bowl: Hey, Brainy, how about the Syndicate of Defense?
Tank: Nah, that name sounds too boring. How about the Iron Shell?
Brainy: Okay. Your team is the Iron Shell. Now, we shall initiate the process of electing the leaders, shan’t we?
Knife: *inhales*
Brainy: Furthermore, you have one leader and two co-leaders, and cannot vote for yourselves.
Howling Wolves
Brainy: Knife, your turn.
Knife: I’m voting Hammer.
Brainy: Crown, your turn.
Crown: I hate everyone equally, but if I had to vote one, I’m voting Lantern, since he’s an intellectual.
Brainy: Hammer, your turn.
Hammer: To Knife’s honor, I’m 100% voting him.
Brainy: Lantern.
Lantern: Uhm, according to my calculations, Knife seems like the best leader.
Brainy: Pawn.
Pawn: Crown, ‘cause why not.
Brainy: Peach.
Peach: Fan, since she’s the only other girl in the group.
Brainy: Taco.
Taco: I think Banana’s the best option, since he’s joyful.
Brainy: Oil Barrel.
Oil Barrel: I’m also voting Lantern.
Brainy: Banana.
Banana: Hammer.
Taco: I hate you!
Brainy: Fan.
Fan: Peach.
Brainy: Taco, Oil Barrel and Pawn, you are not leaders with zero votes.
Taco: It’s because of this stupid Banana!
Brainy: Banana, Peach and Fan, you are not leaders either with one vote each.
Taco: I voted for Banana. Yet he doesn’t respect me by voting me back. No wonder children are so disrespectful to their parents.
Brainy: Knife, Lantern and Hammer are possible leaders with two votes each! Now allow me to initiate the final voting.
Knife: As I said before, I’m voting Hammer.
Lantern: Knife.
Hammer: Knife too.
Brainy: Knife, you have been crowned the leader of the Howling Wolves. Lantern and Hammer, please do not cry, you are co-leaders of the Wolves.
Iron Shell
Brainy: Iron Shell, it is your turn to elect the leaders. Paper!
Paper: I’m voting Rice Bowl, since he’s gone through much.
Brainy: Rice Bowl!
Rice Bowl: Paper is the brain, and Tank is the brawn. I’m voting Paper because the brain controls the brawn.
Brainy: Wallet!
Wallet: I’m voting Ice Cream Cone, since I feel bad for her being tortured to death by Hammer.
Brainy: Bottle!
Bottle: In praise for defending me, I’m voting Tank.
Brainy: Tank!
Tank: I’m sorry, but I’m not voting for Bottle or Ice Cream Cone. I’m instead voting Rice Bowl.
Brainy: Ice Cream Cone!
Ice Cream Cone: I’m voting Tank too.
Brainy: Boulder!
Boulder: Boul, ziys uh smuh uh fuhne. (Bowl, since he’s smart and funny.)
Brainy: What do you mean?
Boulder: Uh syd Boul. (I said Bowl.)
Brainy: I might as well skip Boulder.
Boulder: Zuht! Uh vood Boul. (Stop! I vote Bowl.)
Brainy: Okay. No vote for you, Boulder. Cactus!
Cactus: Paper.
Brainy: Noted. Beanie!
Beanie: I don’t care, but Wallet.
Brainy: Ketchup!
Ketchup: Tank.
Boulder: Brunuh hyz muh! Uh vudh wuh Boul buh ee duzn k’r! (Brainy hates me! I voted for Bowl but he doesn’t care!)
Rice Bowl: Paper! Do you have any idea why Boulder keeps saying ‘bool’?
Paper: I don’t know. Is he trying to talk about boolean in C++?
Rice Bowl: I don’t know either, maybe we should ask him if he knows C++?
Paper: Boulder! Are you good at C++?
Boulder: Wuh? (What?)
Paper: He doesn’t know C++, Rice Bowl.
Rice Bowl: So why is he constantly saying ‘bool’?
Brainy: Shh! We have the vote results. Bottle, Boulder, Beanie, Cactus and Ketchup, you are not becoming leaders with zero votes.
Boulder: Ehs o’eh. (It’s okay.)
Brainy: Rice Bowl, Ice Cream Cone and Wallet are potential co-leaders with one vote each!
Boulder: Wee… wee uh ee i’or ah vood? (Why… why did he ignore my vote?)
Brainy: Paper is a co-leader with two votes, and Tank is the leader with three votes.
Tank: Yay!
Brainy: Rice Bowl, Ice Cream Cone and Wallet, vote each other on who becomes a co-leader.
Ice Cream Cone: We’re all voting Rice Bowl, no questions asked.
Tank and Paper: We agree!
Brainy: Fine, then. Tank is the leader of the Iron Shell, with Paper and Rice Bowl being co-leaders.
Paper: Boulder, is the grass green?
Boulder: Yuh. [Jə.] (Yes.)
Paper: It means that Boulder makes a voiced palatal approximant and mid central vowel for ‘yes’. Okay, is the sky purple?
Boulder: Nuh. [Nə.] (No.)
Paper: It means that Boulder makes a voiced alveolar nasal and schwa for ‘no’.
Brainy: Shh.
Paper (whispered to Boulder): Who is talking right now?
Boulder: Bruhnuh. [Bɻənə.] (Brainy.)
Brainy: The contest is to capture both your opponent team’s flag while defending your own for 30 minutes. If neither team captures the opponent’s flag, the game ends in a draw and another challenge begins. *teleports all contestants to the battlefield*
The contest
Lantern (whispered): Okay. We crush Boulder and Cactus, kill smarty-pants Paper, then capture their flag.
Paper (whispered): They’re whispering something!
Rice Bowl (whispered): They’re probably planning! Boulder and Cactus, defend the flag at all costs!
Boulder: Okay. [Okʰɛɪ.] (Okay.)
Cactus: Okay.
Knife: *laughs* Seriously, at this point Boulder-speak is just alien yapping!
Howling Wolves: *laughs*
Tank (whispered): So do I attack or defend?
Paper (whispered): Everyone, stay near the flag. We can’t let them get you.
Brainy: Why are they not attacking yet?
Knife: We strike the armor, the rock and the plant quickly! CHARGE!
Boulder: Nuh… eh wuhl hrush meh… [Nə... eɪ wʔ xɻəʃ mɛ...] (No… they will crush me…)
Paper: Boulder’s ability to say ‘crush’ with 90% accuracy is AMAZING!
Hammer: Wa-ha-ha! He can’t speak with 100% accuracy, so he’s a certified LOSER!
Brainy: Come on. You are required to terminate the harassment of Boulder and concentrate on the battle.
Boulder: Hank yu. [Haŋ kju.] (Thank you.)
Paper (whispered): Don’t move yet. Keep defending the flag until the last minute.
Boulder: Wuhr doo eyr duhfuhnd? [Wʔɻ dɯ əɪ dəfənd?] (Where do I defend?)
Paper: Boulder, you defend the right flank. Tank, you defend the central flank. And Cactus, you defend the left flank.
Tank: *turns his turret towards Paper, then back to the enemy flag* Noted.
Knife: Charge! Hammer, you destroy the armor. Oil Barrel, you destroy the rock and I’ll destroy the plant, okay? Crown! Why aren’t you helping?
Crown: I just hate everyone equally!
Knife: We’ll give you 900 million dollars if you help?
Crown: Yeah, yeah. I’m smoking. ATTACK!
Tank: You thought I was weak? *fires one APFSDS round*
Hammer: *gets bombarded by the round* Ahh! Somebody help me!
Boulder: Hood tang! [Hʔud tʰæŋ!] (Good tank!)
Paper: Wow! Boulder can make a near-open front unrounded vow-
Knife: Yap yap yap! Don’t worry, Hammer! I’ll avenge y- *gets prickled by Cactus*
Cactus: I just wanted to make a friend…
Knife: Ahh! Help! Why am I getting tickled?!
Boulder: Haha. Is iz so funi. [Haha. ʔis iθ so fɨnɪ.] (Haha. This is so funny.)
Knife: Wow! Is Boulder saying it’s funny while I’m trying to cut these prickles?! I guess I’m the defensive ones now…
Oil Barrel: Karma will get you, Boulder!
Boulder: Yu cand tudge meh. [Ju kʰand tʰəʒ mɛ.] (You can’t touch me.) *kicks Oil Barrel*
Oil Barrel: Why am I flying back to our fla-
Tank: Brainy!
Brainy: Yes?
Tank: If I fire a round at the Howling Wolves’ flag, do we win?
Ice Cream Cone: *screams, screeches and moans*
Bottle: *screams, screeches and moans with Ice Cream Cone*
Brainy: Ice Cream Cone and Bottle, quit squirming. Ta-
Bottle and Ice Cream Cone: *scream, screech and moan even more*
Brainy: I might have to execute Bottle and Ice Cream if they continue squirming.
Bottle squirms less, but Ice Cream Cone begins her ultimate squirm.
Ice Cream Cone: HEYAW! WEW! WEYEW! WEW WEW! WE-AW! EYEWEE! EEWEEYAW! HEYAWWEYAWEWEESH!
Brainy: Honestly, my ears are impaired. *executes Ice Cream Cone*
Tank: Thank God my ears are blessed.
Brainy: Tank, you have to capture the enemy flag, not destroy it.
Tank: Got it.
Taco: *beats up Banana* Banana! How dare you not vote for me to become a leader!
Banana: I’m sorry!
Taco: I’m not forgiving you, you hapless, fatherless piece of trash!
Banana: *starts crying*
Taco: Cry more!
Banana: *cries louder*
Taco: Good. Keep crying!
Boulder: Wuhye is Banana so lowd? [Wəj ɪz Banana so loʊd?] (Why is Banana so loud?)
Paper: Guys! Boulder said “Why is Banana so loud?”, though with a bit of imperfection. Well done, Boulder.
Brainy: 15 minutes left.
Tank: We gotta make the offensive quick! Boulder and Cactus, you stay near the flag, okay?
Boulder: Yerzer. [Jəzə.] (Yes sir.)
Tank: Paper, you stay near the flag, to give orders and learn about Boulder. Rice Bowl, you too.
Rice Bowl: Okay sir!
Tank (whispered to himself): I have to fire bullets from my machine guns so that the flag doesn’t get destroyed.
Knife: RETREAT! THE ENEMY IS INITIATING A COUNTERATTACK!
Peach: No!
Crown: What will you give if I retreat?
Knife: $999 million.
Crown: Okay.
Knife: *tries to stop Tank from advancing* No!
Boulder: Zis is entertening. [θis is ɛntəteɪnɪŋ.] (This is entertaining.)
Paper: He’s mastering, just give him some time…
Tank: *fires bullets* Knife! You’re cooked!
Crown: I will inherit the throne, since I’m the rightful heir!
Tank: Not for so long.
Crown: Guys! Eat my shorts!
Peach: Yuck! That’s disgusting!
Tank: *captures the Howling Wolves’ flag*
Brainy: And with that, the Iron Shell is the winner of this contest!
Crown: Screw you, Brainy!
Voting
Brainy: First, let me recover Ice Cream Cone, Hammer and Knife. *recovers Ice Cream Cone, Hammer and Knife*
Boulder: Hamur and Nyfe bedduh not hurd meh. [Hæmə ɛn Naɪf bɛddə not həɻd mæ.] (Hammer and Knife better not hurt me.)
Tank: Ice Cream Cone and Bottle are hypocrites. They moan and scream when we’re suffering on the battlefield.
Ice Cream Cone: *cries*
Tank: I’m never protecting you two again. I only protect the ones that deserve it, even rivals.
Paper: And so is Taco. He’s a narcotics dealer who bullies a child for laughs.
Tank: Paper, I’m promoting you to Leader. I’m a co-leader now.
Brainy: Noted. Paper is the leader of the Iron Shell, while Tank is a co-leader alongside Rice Bowl. Subsequently, let’s initiate the democratic process to terminate a contestant from the show. All contestants, including those of the forfeited team, must vote for a contestant of the Howling Wolves. Paper, your turn.
Paper: Banana is a victim of circumstance, Fan, Pawn, Lantern and Oil Barrel are okay, Hammer is a bit abusive but I’ll let it pass, Knife, Peach and Crown are arrogant, and Taco has the same behavior as a narcotics dealer, so I’m voting Taco.
Brainy: What about you, Tank?
Tank: I’m voting Taco because even Hammer tried to take me out, he’s nowhere as bad as Taco, a narcotics dealer who abuses children for laughs.
Brainy: And you, Rice Bowl?
Rice Bowl: I feel like Taco, because honestly, the other 9 contestants isn’t as hypocritical as Taco; I feel like Crown and Knife are bad enough but they don’t hamper the team, so I’m voting Taco too.
Brainy: And you, Wallet?
Wallet: I feel like I should vote Hammer, because before you showed up, Hammer was assaulting Ice Cream Cone.
Brainy: Bottle!
Bottle: I’m voting Knife, because he cut me.
Ice Cream Cone: And I vote Hammer because he assaulted me.
Boulder: Uhye voode Taco becuhz he bulliz Banana. [Əɪ voʊd Tʰakʰoʊ bɪkʰəz hɪ bulɪz Banana.] (I vote Taco because he bullied Banana.)
Cactus: Well, I vote Taco because he bullied Banana! I’m sparing Knife as tickling him’s funny.
Beanie: I don’t care much, but I vote Knife because he’s the leader.
Ketchup: And I vote Taco because I saw him bully Banana too.
Brainy: Howling Wolves, cast your votes.
Knife: I think I should vote Taco, seeing how much instability he has done to the Howling Wolves.
Crown: Peach called me ‘disgusting’ so I’m voting her!
Hammer: Even though I was in Heaven at the time, I’m voting Taco because of his disgusting actions!
Oil Barrel: I’m voting Fan because I hate her because why not.
Fan: Say that, and I’ll vote you!
Taco: I’m voting Banana.
Banana: Thanks for the support, guys! I’m voting Taco.
Peach: I’m voting Crown because he told me to eat his shorts.
Lantern: According to my calculations, I’m voting Taco because he bullied Banana.
Pawn: And I’m voting Crown because I’m gonna be the next que- I mean king, ‘cause I’m a dude.
Brainy: Alright, the votes are set. Whoever gets eliminated goes to the Losers’ Cage. Whoever is safe gets a cookie.
Vote reveal
Brainy: Lantern and Pawn are safe with 0 votes. *gives cookies to Lantern and Pawn*
Pawn: Phew!
Brainy: Peach, Fan, Oil Barrel, and Banana are also safe with 1 vote each. *gives cookies to Peach, Fan, Oil Barrel and Banana*
Banana: Phew! I almost got caught by an abuser!
Brainy: Crown, Knife and Hammer, you are also safe with 2 votes each. *gives cookies to Crown, Knife and Hammer*
Crown: As I told you… I am sigma!
Peach: Nah, you told me to ‘eat your shorts’! That’s not so sigma!
Brainy: Shh. Taco is eliminated with 10 votes!
Taco: What did I do?!
Brainy: As punishment, you’re going to the Losers’ Booth.
The Losers’ Booth opens its trapdoor, and Brainy throws Taco into the Losers’ Booth.
Remaining contestants: Knife, Crown, Hammer, Lantern, Pawn, Peach, Taco, Oil Barrel, Banana, Fan, Paper, Rice Bowl, Wallet, Tank, Bottle, Ice Cream Cone, Boulder, Cactus, Beanie and Ketchup