Haiku

This is a haiku that I've written for a small scholarship competition:

We will march forward,
with knowledge as our weapon
board is set - checkmate

If you liked it, please go to the link below and vote for it! Spread it around if you want.

http://www.directtextbook.com/haiku/12780

Thank you very much,

Daedalus (formerly luigi2191)

It's a little too verbose for a haiku. I propose:

We march forward,

Knowledge is our weapon

Board is set - checkmate

I'm not an expert on the structure of haiku's so the 4-6-5 pattern you're suggesting is very viable. The haiku was written in response to the question "describe your aspriations for the next school year". My answer being that I will create a chess team at my school that will be successful, so I don't want to get rid of the word "will" since it signifies future events.

I like the shortened second line since it conveys the same idea with less words.

Thanks for the critique Crazychessplaya!

PS: I'm gonna steal your idea of italicizing the haiku, can't believe I didn't think of it earlier :P

the pattern should be 5-7-5, not 4-6-5

   Are you sure?

"I'm not an expert on the structure of haiku's so the 4-6-5 pattern you're suggesting is very viable..."